[Intro]

Hello, no one is available to take your call

Please leave a message after the tone

[Voicemail 1: Wade Thompson]

Yo so it’s been a while

Like I was calling to let you know my thoughts on the new tape and everything

It’s unbelievable, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it in my life

And it was possibly the worst collection of sounds I’ve ever heard

Like there’s no way that you listened to this, like rеviewed it and evеrything

Gave this to other people and like everybody said this was hard

Like this was a good tape, this was a good album

Cause like, I know you and you had to like try and make this bad right?

Like there’s no way, like cause lemme tell you

I was listening to it throughout my day

And my day was just worse, like it got worse

And it wouldn’t stop either, like I tried bro

I tried to stop it but it wouldn’t stop

Like, when I got to my car like it wouldn’t start

I had to take an Uber to work

When I got to work, I got robbed outside of my job bro

Like I got my wallet took, I got all my cards took, everything

And then, when I got into my job, they fired me bro

So I had to get my friend to buy me an Uber back home

And when I got back home, I realized

I looked in the mirror and my hair was falling out

Like no way you made my life worse by dropping this

And I seriously considered jumping off of a bridge after I got home

But at the end of the day, congratulations

You’re making moves and everything you know

But like don’t ever do that again

[Voicemail 2: Logan Hurtson]

Man that’s the whackest tape I ever listened to

Straight garbage, no hits

It’s like bleeding from the ears listening to this crap

Ain’t no way I’m ever putting this jawn on any stereo ever

Peace

[Voicemail 3: Ibrahim Thiam]

Yo I was just getting back to you on your tape and shit

I just wanted to let you know how fucking terrible that shit was

Like I can’t believe you even asked me to listen to that bullshit

Because, as soon as I finished listening to that shit my grandma died and shit

So like, literally go kill yourself or something

Feel me? Like that shit was terrible, please stop making music

Kill yoursel-

[Voicemail 4: Owen Setterlind]

Hey man I just wanted to call you and say that

I really appreciate you playing your music it was really good

I am just kidding

That was the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life

It made my ears literally bleed

I don’t know why I called you to tell you this

You’re not even worth the phone call

Please stop making music immediately and work and McDonald’s

Cause that’s the only thing you’re ever gonna be good at

Alright, good riddance

[Voicemail 5: Luke Allen]

Yo is this the whack ass beat tape hotline?

Should’ve called this shit think twice bro

Because you should think twice about ever doing anything cool the rest of your life

This shit is auditory laxatives bro

Like I’d legit rather hear my grandpa shit himself than this trash

It sounds like a bad haircut you paid forty dollars for

Do you honest to god think this shit is good?

You need to get your brain checked bro, this would make a deaf person angry

I’m embarrassed to even know you bro, peace

[Voicemail 6: Tom Ciaccia]

What the hell did I just listen to?

What was that? I mean, can you make some good fucking music?

This was awful I can’t believe I really wasted my time listening to this

I mean, it’s worse than AJ Vibes I mean c’mon how does that happen?

Good grief

Oh my god, I turned this on in the car

They gave me aux I turn it on, they kicked me out

They kicked me out of the car, stole my shoes

I had to walk home in my socks

I lost my wife, the kids, and now I’m infertile so thanks

Get the fuck outta here

[Voicemail 7: Danny Louchiey]

Gerrit, this is Mr. Danny

You know who I am boy, Mr. Danny from RISPA your old performing arts school

Boy, I just heard your album, your music

What the hell kind of music is that?

It don’t sound like nothing I ever heard

Damn boy I ain’t teach you no better than that?

What’s that supposed to be hippity hop hop hip hop or something?

Shit boy, you know I taught you better than that

Call me boy I wanna talk to you about this music

[Voicemail 8: Nick Oakley]

Kid, lemme tell you something

I’ve been in the records business for thirty

Thirty one years, some thereabouts

Any act that’s come to New York I’ve seen ‘em alright?

The big, the small, I’ve heard ‘em alright?

I’ve heard the ones that shouldn’t have made it but did

I’ve heard the ones that should’ve made it, but never got their shot

I can tell you firmly which camp you belong in

I’ve never heard anything as heinous as that steaming pile of refuse

That you evacuated from your bowels onto my desk

You motherfucker you, wasting my time with that

Jesus, I oughta hire some people to cut off your ears and feed ‘em to you

And I know guys that would do it

You know what we call guys like you in New York?

Bad fucking music, alright?

Simple as daylight, lemme tell you something

And this you better hear, do NOT call me again

Do not waste mine, nor anybody’s time, with fucking bullshit like this again

And don’t quit your day job kid

[Voicemail 9: Lee Johnson]

Hey Gerrit, hear the project's done and people are talking about it

Looking forward to hearing about all the results

And get busy on the next one

Alright, all the best, take care, bye