Part One
[Verse 1]
(Welcome to Ru-co labs)
Better living through fake science
(Welcome to Ru-co labs)
The future is now and it's freaking me out
(Welcome to Ru-co labs)
They always said "consult your doctor before taking a new medicine", but what the hell do they know?
(Tell it like it is girl)
What we got in stock?
We got tablets, drops, patches and shots
We got liquids that can take you from whatever you got
Have a sip, have a slurper if you can still swallow
A hand full of promises, even though they're hollow
Here at Ru-co labs we've worked so hard to make these drugs help you with your strife
So check out these pills we're tuckin'
'Cause honey they're here to give you life
(Welcome to Ru-co labs)
[Verse 2]
O-M-G
What? What's wrong?
Boys don't make passes at queens with flat asses
What can I do about it?
Say goodbye padding and hello to... badonkadonk!
And it makes your ass get a lot of humps
It comes in a patch snuffed down by your snatch
If it's a good batch then it starts to hatch
Badonkadonk
Watch out J.Lo, watch out Nicki, watch out Kimmy K
'Cause we about to break the internet every other day
Got a new power bottom and it's on display
It's got its own zip code by the way 9-0-2-1
Ooh, that's a big old ass
My backside looks like a mountain pass
Badonkadonks now available on the go
In a perky powder that looks a lot like snow
Put it in your salad or a cold ice tea
But don't snort it up your nose, this ain't 1983
Badonkadonks!
[Verse 3]
Hey Sandy, haven't seen you at the club lately
Yeah well, I spent most of my summer working on my Drag Race audition
That's not what I heard
I heard you've been poppin' out at parties
You don't mean? Sandy, no!
Used to rule the clubs but now I'm stuck at home
Suffering from a case of restless tuck syndrome
'Cause when I see a stud in a tuck that's cropped
I can't get in my drag because my tuck gets popped
But now there's a solution made by Ru-co, inc
A handy little pill that makes your junk shrink!
So easy, once a month just open up and say, ah
When life gets to hard just take some Flaccida!
(Flaccida, Flaccida)
Flaccida saved my life and now I love it oodles
Even 'round the pit crew I feel nothing noodles
(Flaccida)
Now illegal in 48 states
[Verse 4]
Here's the tea about that old queen on Twitter
You know that hateful bitch who's always so bitter
She says that Gaga stole it all from Madonna
What's next? Adopting kids from Botswana?
She wears caftans and moo-moos, just like her idols
What's in her gym bag? Viagra and midol
Kids today are down hill, post Mariah
And who's that new girl named Zendaya? (Fire!)
Do you suffer from bitter old queen syndrome?
Ru-co labs has a spray for that
Trollvada, spritz a dab under your creamy under thigh
And soon you'll be taking snapchats of your avocado toast
For the love of Cathleen Turner what is happening!?
Huh, oh my God, I'm obsessed with Miley's new single
What's the new dating app? I'm ready to mingle
I'm gender fluid and not into labels
Cutting cords and getting rid of cable
Part Two
[Verse 1]
I don't just sit at dinner tables anymore, I flip 'em
(What the hell?)
Thanks Conflama
(That bitch is crazy)
I haven't had a sip of wine in three years, why?
Because now I throw it in people's faces! Thanks Conflama
Conflama, it's conflict plus drama
You know what that equals, right? Dollar signs!
It's what every reality stars got
Yup, Conflama
I put two teaspoons in my coffee every morning, good to the last death drop
(Conflama, find a way to pull up tonight, Conflama)
Bitch I'm from Chicago
(Conflama, won't go home till we start a fight, Conflama)
This ain't RuPaul's best friends race
(Conflama)
Go back to party city where you belong
Bitch! The song is over
Don't you tell me the song is over!
(Conflama, it's working!)
[Verse 2]
What did Tinderella say when she got to the ball?
Oh dear Tinderella, why are you gagging so?
What could I do? I bit off more than I could chew
It's my great defect, I have terminal gag reflex
Feeling stressed, choked a distant, gag reflex is so persistent
Ru-co labs has a potion you can drink up any ocean!
Now there's Swallowease
Swallowease
Swallowease is for princesses 21 and older and does not prevent the spread of stds
Side effects include increased bitchiness, an unquenchable thirst, lower credit scores, and total a-stigmatization
Thanks to Swallowease, I'll be ready whenever my prince comes
(Swallowease)
[Verse 3]
Did you see her shoes?
(Yas queen)
Aren't they so tacky?
(Ya-as queen)
Can you stop saying that?
(Yas queen)
I don't think you can?
(Bitch whatta you mean?)
Some queens are so annoying, their voices are really cloying
Repeating the same words falling out their lips like turds
Oh girl, you got drag-mouth, it's a bit problimary
You need to read a book like right now, and up your vocabulary
But now there's a fix when you come and go south
All you gotta do is put this caulk in your mouth
Caulk, as in C-A-U-L-K, get your mind out of the gutter!
Anyone can use it including straights, bis, and gays
It stops your loose lips from sprouting drag cliches
Side effects include but are not limited to, YAS QUEEN!
Damn now I've got it
Good God Get a Grip Girl, okurr!
[Verse 4]
There's a question, burns deep in my soul
One that you, can only control
From your lips, to God's ear
There's an answer we all need to hear
Tell me is there, an anal option?
What's right for others ain't right for me, what I'm asking is biology
RuPaul is there an anal option, for me?
(For me, for me, for me, for me, me too)
Five out of four doctors don't recommend Ru-co labs
So kids don't do drugs
Just love yourself so you can love somebody else
Can I get an amen?
(AMEN!)