[Verse 1]

As a kid I loved the heroes

But as I grew up I understood the villains

Is life worth living?

That little boy is gone

Doesn’t wanna believe what he’s become

I try to reach out to him but he keeps running

I don’t know if he sees me as a monster or a demon

I don’t think I’m ready for the answer either way you out it

Called it quits

Until it

Balled up its fists

My chest is where it impacted

I wouldn’t hurt myself knowing it’ll kill you

I wish I could redo

But all the hurt yet to be felt

The card I was dealt

But by your smile assume that you’re 3

In two years that’s the beginning

You’ll see what I mean

Your father and brother

Were in the front yard

Outside it was dark

You see the silhouette

Of your brother getting hit

Afraid you were next

From that day on my father only felt regret

That one mistake

Would haunt me for a decade

I ain't traumatized but what can I say

I hate when they in the room

If a fight broke out what would I do?

And I hate to choose

Between these two

[Chorus]

Yes these important dates

Made me who I am today

Would I have changed?

Or been numb anyway?

[Verse 2]

This is my life

Don’t know wrong from right

The test of time

I've read line after line

Thought writing it down would’ve made me fine

Boy that was a lie

Count the moments I’ve cried

Or lied

I gotta start cutting ties

That’ll lead to my demise

I gotta testify

I know I can

Or at least try

All the while

I look at the sky

Looking for eyes

That I know

Had closed

Like the casket

I feel like I’ve had it

Backwards

For the longest

Living with a rotten conscious

October 19th of 2020

Was the closest thing to that night

But later

My mother tryna calm him down

Grandparents are looking down

Screaming

Do not repeat

Do not repeat

Just call the police

July 24th of 2021

Felt like the scariest date yet to come

Because my father and brother

One inside the other out

Ruined our little brother’s birthday how

Thank god it was nothing but a thought

That's why I despise people arguing

Because I know it led to violence and

All of these differences

Don't lead to positives

This is getting repetitive

[Verse 3]

People don’t know I’m in my bed

Letting thoughts riot in my head

Going into a cycle

I know

I keep getting high and low

But I’ll show

It’s news I know

But I don't want to pick up

But it feels like I need to stand up

Put down this cup

It makes the rush

Feel like I’m growing up

But I’m not mature enough

In my dreams I pray for youth

And if it wasn’t for you

I wouldn’t be able to speak

Let alone move

You are an idol

I can only imagine your smile

I stifle

While I still dial

To hear your voice

I wish I had a choice

The white noise

Is fading to black

I ask

Am I the only one who got my back?

If so I ain’t too mad

Burned my pen and pad

So my brain can unclad

The imagery of an outcast

To greenlight and broadcast

This gun’s forecast

As the bullets rain

So it can pass

And fictionalize

The ones I idolize

While the idle eyes

Judge and stigmatize

But won’t congratulate

My attempt for better days

For my family

As I speak with cowardice honesty