My Thoughts

After midnight, 2:33

The time I wrote this cuz when it’s dark and the stars unfold

Yet I struggle to sleep

I lie to myself saying “You’re a big man bro don’t you dare try and weep”

Cuz you’ve been through the bumpy roads, cracked concrete on those hills that are steep

The next day I wake up think about style

Like how am I gonna match this broken heart with an off-white smile

I been rocking this outfit for a minute now, yeah it’s been a while

And I don’t see it being worn out, so I tell myself “Yarimi, you can go for another mile”

That mile now gets multiplied, I’m rocking this outfit everyday it’s on repeat

Fighting demons from different regions but with Oneness, how could I taste defeat?

There’s Rububiyyah, and there’s also Uloohiyyah

And everybody’s Sunni so I’m claiming Salafiyyah

But it doesn’t mean I’m one though

I just mean I’m striving

We’re rushing to the cameras but Sahaba they were hiding

Sometimes I sit and think and by the dunya I’ve been blinded

We’ve all gotta eat, so the dunya we don’t mind it (x2)

But you see, you see, we can calculate our wages

But can’t calculate when the last third of the night is

And tell my why we have to wake up to children dying if freedom is priceless

We learn a hadith, and then we act like we can swim

That’s why Zayd ibn Abi Zarqa narrates Sufyan Al-Thawri saying:

تعجَّلوا بركة هذا العلم (Ta3ajjalu barakata haadha al-3lm)

Hasten towards the benefit of this knowledge

Cuz without knowledge you wouldn’t know that a few oats, milk and a microwave could make porridge

You see I’ve lived that life, the life of music, the struggle of girls and the struggle of no prayer

I’ve lived the life of my teachers in school loving me so much to the point where they made me meet the mayor

“I’ve lived the life of a practising Muslim”, I say that in quotation marks

I’ve lived the life of a person who opens up books by Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah in the dark

I’ve lived the life of waking up for Fajr, praying in the masjid then after that I begin classes

Al-Waraqaat, Qawa3id Al-Fiqhiyyah, or maybe Qawa3id Al-3rba it’s crazy how time passes

Ta3dheem Al-3lm, Arba3un An-Nawawi, Thalathatul Usool, it’s crazy how deep Islamic knowledge and books are, this is what they should’ve taught me in their curriculum in school

But instead we’re taught topics that could shake a layman’s belief like Darwinian Evolution

We ask ourselves why our kids turn out like this, when deep down we know the solution

Get them out of here, this ain’t a place for celebrities

I look at my own self and I think, ah man such beautiful memories

Al7amdulillah I haven’t fallen off, I still pray my 5 a day, read Qur’an aloud everywhere I go

So to a certain degree, I’d say I’m doing okay

But when it’s night time and the lights are off, and it’s just me and my thoughts

I think to myself what the hell happened to everything I was taught

What happened to the guy that was always in the mosque

What happened to the guy who was so firm and stern

But now he’s slipping and it feels like that character is lost

And don’t comment saying “don’t worry brother, you don’t have to be hard on yourself”

This is just me

بَلِ الْإِنسَانُ عَلَىٰ نَفْسِهِ بَصِيرَةٌ (rather man will be a witness against himself) (Bal il-Insaanu 3la nafsihi ba6eerah)

So I know what I need to do, to get to where I need to be

Man, I should’ve never stepped into this scene

I’m eating my cereal, and I’m taking a video on snap

But when I go to upload it, the video turns out flipped and everybody knows about that

You know what’s coming next, “brother, fear Allah, stop eating with your left hand

This goes against the text” bruv my camera’s flipped

Never mind, I’m not in the mood for that stress

If it wasn’t for the undeserved guidance of Allah and my friends

I would’ve probably been tryna get it in, and chase this money

But the Prophet (Sallallahu 3lyhi wa sallam) said:

المرء على دين خليله (One is upon the religion of his friends) (Almar'u 3la dyni khlylihi)

So I gotta give thanks to my bro Billz, Stridez and 3bd Al-Ghani

The last men standing, we used to roll 20 man deep walk into the masjid, now everybody’s stranded (x2)

Fluctuating eman, inconsistent levels of belief

You think you’ve hit rock bottom then you realise you’re more than beneath

There’s a wisdom behind everything that I would love to share

A man in the Prophet (sallllahu 3lyhi wa sallam), always used to say:

لعل فيه خيرا (La3lla fyhi khyr)

And that means maybe there is good in it

There’s definitely good that Allah is trying to show

Maybe that’s Allah tryna tell you to fix up and he’s making you realise your eman is low

Your eman is low, you forgot Qur’an, your tajweed is bad, he can’t even pronounce the Ghunnah

This could be Allah (Sub7anahu Wa Ta3ala) showing you that your eman fluctuates

And is a praiseworthy characteristic from the Ahl us-Sunnah

Don’t beat yourself too much, there’s always a wisdom

You have to read between the lines cuz sometimes the answers are hidden

I remember college times, I was happier than ever

Life was so simple, and if I could go back, I would go back forever

Partners for time, we were partners in crime

Dunya gets in the way, now it’s inner peace that we’re both tryna find

Now we have bigger questions, Allah’s tryna put me back on my feet

I’m out here seeking redemption, while these girls are in my mentions

It’s hard so sometimes brothers might slip

And some people might shy away from the realness

I don’t mind being the person, he will say it how it is

It’s real man I got struggles

But what do you do when you’re a lost soul all by yourself

And you don’t even think about cuddles

There’s deeper problems, there’s deeper issues

A person who was once your backbone, could be the reason why you’re feeling pain in your cardiac tissues

We need to start investing in our lives and do what makes us happy

That’s what you call wealth

And instead of contouring people’s struggles

Why not shed light on the topic of mental health?

Every man is a shepherd, you’re in charge of your flock

So use your time wisely cuz one of the things that show heedlessness is

Tadee3 ul-Waqt that’s the wasting of time

And instead of making a person feel lower than they already are

Then for that person why don’t you, make some time

If you care for me, make du3a for me

Make du3a that I enter Jannah

Make du3a that I become a person of the Qur’an

Make du3a that I carry the Qur’an in my heart and not just my palm

Make du3a for my parents, make du3a for my family

Make du3a for the Ummah and every oppressed soul whose facing a tragedy

I’m out here, one man, all alone

And if you’re coming with an ulterior motive then please don’t call my phone

I won’t answer