[Intro]

The skill monkey is a common designation for classes whose primary focus is their proficiency at using skills

[Verse 1]

I miss the feelin' alive days, the 3.5 days

When you could kill an enemy 5 ways

And customization was like a wide open highway

Lately I'm feeling like I'm stuck in the driveway

Cause when I play it's like a war of attrition

I'm sorry for bitchin', guess I'm just a fan of tradition

I understand that Wizards of the Coast is in the position, with the priority of new player acquisition for Fifth Edition

I'm just sayin' I'm a little pissed

That you nitwits put the skills on your kill list

Y'all got no chill, still ill, but I'm skill-less

Somebody should publish a supplement to fulfill this

Listen, I've been tiltin' at windmills since '05

And back then, proficiency was a point of pride

Like having an Orc tank bank ranks in hide

A centaur, with impractical talent to ride

[Hook]

I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check

As if disarming a trap only required Dex

Honestly, I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check

As if disarming a trap only required Dex

Honestly, I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

[Verse 2]

I know I could be a warlord, and carry a broadsword, and tally victory on a scoreboard

Use a crossbow to turn foes into dartboards

Or blast magic until they're dead on the floorboards

I'm on board, but I have a condition

I need an addition, like something to give me some volition

By admission, my disposition is one of opposition

But what should be done about characters with political ambition?

I'm just tryna make it make sense

Maybe the mechanics operate under a pretense

That you need a weapon to dominate on the offense

Maybe I'm just spewin' enigmatic nonsense

Maybe I'm obnoxious, but I think we all could admit

Appraise is not the same as decipher script

And use rope isn't the same as doing a flip

It's your game, do what you want, I'm just throwing a fit about it

[Hook]

I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check

As if disarming a trap only required Dex

Honestly I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check

As if disarming a trap only required Dex

Honestly I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

[Verse 2]

I know it's just a formality, it's a technicality

But the game's not set in reality

See, you couldn't use your personality to win a battle

Any more than musicality could strap you in the saddle of a horse

But when you play DnD, you can see just how creative your cranium can be

And I'm not sayin' that you should try to be OP

I'm just sayin' that you gotta respect the OGs

I'm not talkin' 'bout me

I'm takin' about Gary, Don Kaye, David A., Rob K., and Terry

Makin' war games so glorious and legendary

These warriors who came before us are more than ordinary

They're visionaries, and I would venture a guess

That they wouldn't be too impressed with the watered-down process

It's a mess, I confess, this is an attack

When in fact all I really want is all the rad skills back

[Hook]

I wanna know why the heck Disable Device doesn't have it's own check

As if disarming a trap only required Dex

Honestly I think it shows a complete lack of respect to the people who are specialists

[Outro]

The Skill Monkey provides minimal roles in combat, but has an abundance of talents and abilities, which keep them useful to the party