[Intro]

One... Two... Three... Four... (uh)

[Verse 1]

She lives in my basement, but I met her on Minecraft

I'm so big that you couldn’t save me with a life raft

You couldn't capture all of me in a single photograph

I sound like the penguin from Toy Story when I laugh

I don't own a single pair of pants that covers my ass

She calls me daddy when her spit dribbles down my shaft

On a couple beers she gets kinda trashed

In a thousand years she couldn’t last as long as I last

Last time we fucked, I asked her to call me daddy

Doc says who cares that I'm a big fat fatty

Good deals and the internet all what make me happy

My girl just left time to jack it and be snappy

Grab this hold of Indians, Asians and Iraqis

Under my shirt my body is big fat and flappy

Start to wheeze when my girlfriend tries to slap me

But I throw her on the floor when it starts to get bratty

Knick knack patty whack give a dog a bone (give a dog a bone)

Dinner better be ready when I get home

Keep hitting me bitch I'll hit you with a stone

I'm trying not to think about if I was alone

[Verse 2]

Yeah, I'm a certified EMT

Level headed guy and it's not hard to see

In the blink of an eye, I lose all decency

If any of these Gooks want to have a piece of me

Better stay calm, I'm trained to keep the piece

If I see a sandnigger, I'll tell him to freeze

You have ten seconds to drop to your knees

When he turns his back pull the trigger and freeze

I killed a towelhead, Islam is a disease

It’s like my gun is the cure, I have a PhD

My Minecraft GF is cool cause she’s..... (Sigh)