[Intro]

(Ha-ha)

(mm)

[Cough]

[Cough, cough]

[Verse 1]

Most depressed man from Shanghai to Colorado

Repeating "please God, make it stop!" 'cause thats my motto

Quit my job and buy some drugs if I win the lotto

Splatter myself all over the walls of the condo (what?)

[Verse 2]

Yup, I don’t wanna live

There's a goddamn reason that I don't have kids

I don’t want them to follow the same path I did

And they might just end up dead if I blow my lid

Every night I pray to God that my car skids off the road in the dark, gee

I'm getting sick of putting up with darkies

Might just have to slash my wrists with my car keys

I'm starting to get sick of this malarkey

Hoping that bitch from accounting gives me back my sharpie

[Verse 3]

Jump off and hope I don't bounce like a dead cat

For real though, I just wanna rot like a dead rat

I'm a piece of scum

I'm dirty like a mudflap

The only kinda porn that still turns me on is scat

Thats why my basement is my natural habitat

Been a couple years since I've been to the laundromat

Single, 'cause I beat my ex-bitch with a metal bat

300 pounds, though I wouldn’t call it fat

Doc says ’morbidly obese'

But I don’t think of it like that