(Intro skit)

Receptionist: Mr. Eppard, the doctor will see you now

Josh: Thank you. – Hey doc

Therapist: Hi Josh, why don’t you have a seat?

Josh: Alright

Therapist: Let’s discuss what’s been going on

Josh: You mean just anything?

Therapist: Tell me the first thing that pops into your head? (fades out)

(Verse)

I am a bad man, I ‘m a walking atrocity

An anomaly probably on shaky ground

That’s why my vision’s all wobbly

I’m the master of an empty apology

I am so sorry!

Though I solemnly swear to try to wear down your defenses

Until you breathe from a borrowed air

Hopefully you’re not the slightest bit aware

That while I stare off into space I’m still able to convince you that I care

I’m a gun for hire

As a kid I wanted to be Spiderman

But “Oops!” I think I grew up to be Toby McGuire

An actor in front of a green screen hanging myself from the prop wires

I wish I was bitten by a genetically enhanced arachnid

Because I think I’m a black gangster rapper trapped inside the body of a fat white kid

Go on Facebook, say that you like this

But fuck it, I know you won’t

I can tell already, I’m psychic

Uh I have no clue who the fuck I am

Because in school I’d always pretend to reinvent myself in hopes that it would me fit in

Confusion you can’t quell

The only thing that made sense to me is

Is that I actually OD’d three years ago and died and this is my own version of hell

Boo hoo hoo hoo oh fucking well! W-T-F! O-M-G!

Great now I talk like a fourteen year old girl

Mommy, don’t I look pretty? Aren’t I dainty?

I’m Timothy McVeigh coming to blow up your city

I won’t be satisfied until the whole world is against me

Attention cops! When you see me, arrest me

Because if I’m with dirt, you can do a search and at the very least you’ll find some hemp seeds

Please don’t test me!

It’s not the guy yelling about guns you should be afraid of

It’s the guy in the corner surveying his options, weighing out the different possible outcomes

He’s usually quiet and normally doesn’t say much

And the neighbors will say, “I can’t believe it was him! By all the kids, he was so loved!”

Oh yeah, Luke Skywalker should’ve been on the terrorist watch list

And America was founded on high treason

So don’t subscribe to Fox News or MSNBC when they tell you what to believe in

This is a breaking report!

Do you think it’s the dealers on the block that bring the coke rock into the country

Clearly not, it’s the fucking government dummy!

It’s some of these little motherfuckers are hungry

So when the Wayans family leaves the opera, they get shot up for their jewelry and their money

Ahh fuck it!

Down the hatch, chased with sour mashed whiskey that gets me tipsy

Followed by brownies with hash

Never ready to deal with my own version of evil ash

Who reminds me of every time of how my Uncle Ricky put his hands down my pants

He won’t let me forget it! He just says it and says it and says it

Either I need to meditate or a paramedic

Because this epidemic is now fully kinetic

And you can bet it gets intercepted with each and every sentence

My skepticism is in need of an exorcism

Because every decision is dictated by my last position

Imagine everything in your every thought is something you don’t want to hear

Like your girl bragging about how much head she was giving and—

*gasp*

(Outro skit)

Josh: That’s uh that’s pretty much the first thing that pops in to my mind Doctor

Therapist: Amy, I’m gonna need you to cancel my 2 o’clock appointment…