[SAMMY, GUYS]

No one tells you how you ought to live

No one glares when you do jello shooters Jello-

No one says that you're insensitive

'Cause her birthday meal took place at Hooters Hoot-ers

No one tells you that your bald spot's grown

Or that you ought to tone your flab Tone your flab-

So pour a double gin

Here's to your double chin

[ALL]

Yeah, start the party, start a tab

[SAMMY]

'Cause you're

[ALL]

Single

[SAMMY]

You are

[ALL]

Single

[SAMMY]

And you'll keep staying single if you're smart

[GUYS]

If you are smart

[SAMMY]

Yeah, you're single

You are single

No chick will ever moonwalk on your heart

[GUYS]

Moonwalk on your heart

[SAMMY]

Trust me

[ALL]

This is when the good times really start

[SAMMY]

No one minds the laundry on your floor

[RICKY]

No one pouts with every chick you look at

[BUM]

No one tries to clean your porno drawer

[SAMMY]

No one traps you with:

[SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM]

"Does my ass look fat?"

[GEORGE]

Bust a move in women's underwear

While you're blasting Cher or Wham

[GUYS]

Cher or Wham!

[SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM]

So fill your ranger's cup

The toilet seat stays up

The fridge gets stocked with beer and spam

'Cause you're single

[GEORGE]

You are

[SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM]

Single

[GEORGE]

Not a care in the world can bother you

[GUYS]

Can bother you

[GEORGE]

Yeah, you are single

You are single

You can do what you've always wanted to

[GUYS]

Always wanted to-

[GEORGE]

Well, no commitments

[SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM]

Cause you're only passing through

[They start to rap.]

[RICKY]

Yo, making a date with some needy girl

Is a waste of my time and my Jheri curl

[SAMMY]

I don't need a girl who don't understand

When I got a date with my left hand

[BUM]

Well, I like the ladies, heaven knows

But in the words in Nietzsche, "Bro's before ho's"

[GEORGE]

Now, I don't like a girl who'll cry and bawl

In fact, I never liked girls at all

[ROBBIE]

Sammy, George, Ricky, and Bum

I'm starting to see where you're coming from

[ROBBIE, GUYS]

Cause I'm single Single

Oh, yeah single Single

I'll behave like a dude's meant to behave

Meant to behave

Always single

Ever single Single

[ROBBIE]

Single now and till I'm in my grave

[ROBBIE & GUYS]

Single till I am lying in my grave

[Music slows down.]

[SAMMY]

Though at times I might want someone to hold me tight

And promise me that everything'll be all right

[BUM, spoken]

(Hugs SAMMY)

Everything'll be all right

[SAMMY, spoken]

Thanks, man

[ALL, sung]

I'll stay

Single till I'm

Rotting

Slowly

In my

Lonely

Forgotten grave