[Verse 1]

I hate to sound rude, I hate to be negative

This ain't the kind of song I like to write

But at this point it's getting repetitive

The little things you do that just ain't so bright

Like you think everything I do's because of astrology

I could brush my teeth, you'd be like "You're such an Aries"

You got that pretty face and that beautiful body

But ain't no way in hell we ever gettin' married

[Chorus]

'Cause, girl, you're like ranch dressing

I just want you on the side

Your body is fantastic

But I can't say the same for your mind, no

Girl, you cool enough

But this will never be no real, real love

I want your thick and creamy body

On a platter at the party

Just to nibble on, just like ranch dressing

[Verse 2]

You told me what your name on Twitter was so I followed you

Yesterday you tweeted "lol"

What the fuck is so funny and who are you talking to?

You don't know how to use the internet very well

[Chorus]

Girl, you're like ranch dressing

I just want you on the side

Your body is fantastic

But I can't say the same for your mind, no

Girl, you cool enough

But this will never be no real, real love

I want your thick and creamy body

On a platter at the party

Just to nibble on, just like ranch dressing

[Verse 3]

I took you on a nice date 'cause it was Valentine's

To Beverly Hills at a really boujee spot

The waiter did that thing where he has you test out the wine

You slammed it and said "What other free samples y'all got?"

Later on that night, things got hot and heavy

I said "Hey girl, are you on the pill?"

The bitch thought I was talking about MDMA

She said, "I ain't take none, but if you got some I will"

[Chorus]

Girl, you're like ranch dressing

You're not often served at nice restaurants

Your body is fantastic

But you talk like that South Carolina Miss America contestant

Girl, you cool enough

But this will never be no real, real love

'Cause you only good for dippin'

You in the valley and hidden

Though I really like your texture

You always a little bit extra

I only wanna eat ya

When I'm drunk ordering pizza after last call

Just like ranch dressing