[Verse]

Ay, I can only hide it for so long

So many moments that I wanna say "so long"

So many missed calls, so many mistakes

So many mishaps, energy misplaced

People I misjudged, heart getting misused

Togetherness misgrew, me caring to miss move

Never saw my value, looking at me as mispriced

Now I'm giving back space, letters I've mistyped

Feel like I've been misled, ain't finding a love for me

But I'm never alone, misery loves company

She really fuck wit me, but she ain't fuckin' me

It's like I'm a sissy by making everyone run from me

And I sit and watch them leave

'Cause I wanna see y'all happy even without me

If it meant I'd starve, I'd see y'all feast

So before y'all peace, I beg to speak my piece, now

Every day there's a word that I question

And it's becoming an absurd obsession

Even when I'm with her, obsessing

'Cause I really hate the word "depression"

'Cause I'll be fine, everything'll be fine

And then I sit and overthink and start seeing the lies

From people that say they love me looking right in my eyes

And now you all annoy me and I'm looking at you like flies

But I'll still give you everything until the day that I die

I'll still give you everything until the day that I die

I'll still give you everything until the day that I die

I'll still give you everything until the day that I die

And that kinda sound perfect right now

But I'm too pussy to do it, so I'm hurting right now

I don't even know how I'm working right now

And I could be smoking but this loud ain't working right now

In a state of being lost, I don't know where my mind at

On a search for stability, but don't know where to find that

Hiding the sorrow with the flies that I smile at

But drowning in it when I'm back where I lie at

And then I vanish, no one's seeming to mind that

Tears dripping with the hits that I hi-hat

A fucking clown that can't handle his emotions

I might as well have had a Kawhi laugh

A fuckin' joke, and I don't fuckin' learn

Not everyone is down for you, shit get evil

Stop giving permanent treatment to temporary people

Not every love is your precious, stop acting like Smeagol

But I give, and I give, and they take

And I give, and I give, and they take

And when there's nothing to benefit from

And they leave, I just sit feeling punched in the face

And there's so much I've been trying to say

And it gets on my nerves like an itch

But I can't, 'cause I gotta act strong for these fans I don't know

'Cause I'll look like a bitch and that's hard

'Cause I feel like I'm starting to break

Looking in the mirror only seeing something I hate

Like, what the fuck happened to me? Why the fuck am I like this?

Why the fuck am I not alright? Why the fuck can't I fight this?

I hate your face, I hate your voice

I hate your place, I hate your poise

I hate your thoughts, the words you pen

I'll be happy if I didn't have to see you again

But I can't help but stand here

Looking deep into my own brown eyes, I just... stand there

Tryin' to fix my relationship with my moms

Got a brother that got me with these scars

'Cause every bit of stress and pain she directed at me was from the shit you caused

You were busy being big, bloody gangsta nigga

But got the nerve to sit in jail and wonder

Why I want nothing to do with you, I grew up to be through with you

I never could've said "I'm 'a get my older brother"

Like, what the fuck is even family?

Holidays coming, no one at the table

Uncle straight saying that my shit gon' fail

And I should go with his corny ass and learn to do cable

Fuck you and fuck that cable

I got it buried in my goddamn brain

That family ain't shit if they don't act it

Our only connection is a last name

And what the fuck is even friendship?

The family you choose? This is due attention

And due to fools, and what they choose to do

I got a couple of fools that led me to reflecting

This one nigga I've known since I was fucking three

My mother fucking bro on God, son

And now we at the point where I don't know if my godson's still my godson

I've been fucked up for a minute now

Didn't admit it, but I admit it now

Didn't have it in me to cut ties

'Cause I love my niggas, but I did it now

Give a fuck about some time spent

Our childhood long gone, nigga

We grew up and I wasn't your boy

Just a nigga you knew you bring along, nigga

And our other homie just had a daughter

And I don't know how attached to get

'Cause this nigga always got me feeling like we aren't close at all, he just hasn't said it

Motherfuckers only call when they need me

They saying shit like, "When you gonna start showing up?"

They never see if I'm dying inside

It makes me so sick I been throwing up

All alone in my room I've been going nuts

Doing streams tryin' to cope with the bullshit

But as soon as the games are all over

It's like I'm right back in the bull pit

I'm done wearing the mask

I'm done wearing the smile

I don't give a fuck if we talk or not

It's not like we have in a while

It's not like it matters to y'all

And I couldn't be madder at y'all

'Cause I got this weird void in my heart from my younger me screaming, "I don't matter to y'all?!"

And I've always tried laughing it off

'Cause we've been through so much, but after it all

I don't know if I'm ever gonna rock with you

Even when I get plaques on the wall

Can't say I got a real good support system

But I guess that's how this shit goes

Niggas down to be all up in the videos

But never wanna pull up to a show

No hands extend

I take care of the seeds every heat and snow

Motherfuckers always wanna reap the benefits

But hate watering the plants to grow

So I just want my mans to know

When I got all this cash to throw

You can keep that same damn energy

And stay your ass at home

We can be cool and all that

But don't think that means

You're doing anything more in person

You can sit and watch from a screen

I got so much fuckin' love to give

And I spread that shit out to ones that don't deserve it

But never have it in me to cease to love y'all

No matter how much that I sit here hurting

Brain always telling me I'm fuckin' up

And I'll never be shit but a mockery

And I can't share these thoughts with a fuckin' soul

'Cause they won't try to make the shit stop for me

This ain't even a cry for help

This shit more like therapy

Keeping everything bottled inside made me my own enemy

I ain't a pill popper and I don't really drink

This the shit that keep me feeling alive

I said "feeling alive," I ain't been feeling alive

Before this, I was damn near feeling I died

Does this make me soft as a man?

This is an L, I'm 'a hold it

Tired of being hopeless

And making shitty people stay the closest

How pathetic am I, that I'm this torn up but can't fuckin' show it?

'Cause I'm worried 'bout how y'all think, and what y'all feel

And all my opportunities blowing

I think I need help, or maybe I just gotta toughen up

Before I really start snapping and end up putting rounds to your bodies like a button-up

Maybe I need a vacation

Or I should just move from the state

Or maybe I should give in to the little me saying I should put a fuckin' gun in my face

I don't know who the fuck to talk to

I don't know who the fuck's a homie

I don't know who really cares or who wants me to open up just to be nosy

I don't know what to turn to

I don't know what'll help me cope

I don't know, I don't fuckin' know if I should even hold on to hope

[Outro]

I don't know no more

I don't know where to go no more

What to say or to show no more, I just really don't know no more

I don't know no more

I don't know where to go no more

What to say or to show no more, I just really don't know no more

I don't know

I don't fuckin' know

[Spoken outro]

I just want everybody to love me back the same way that I love them son. And it feels like everybody that I fucking love is leaving me bruh, and it's too much. It's too much. It's too much. And it's not even like these are crocodile tears. This is REAL, son. This is REAL. This is fucking REAL. And I can't tell y'all. I can't tell y'all everything 'cause I don't wanna look like a fucking bitch. But this is what I be fucking going through, son