Neckbeard

By Trey Topper

Released on July 15, 2016

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My upper lip, never shaven

The hairs on my neck, a tribute to GabeN

Thought of fire, from drinking scotch

I tip my fedora to my saviour Notch!


This is not a game

This is my life

When you’re hacked, I am to blame

I cut through code like a knife

In multiplayer, you follow my lead

Digital bullets, piercing skin

Hole in their head, making them bleed

Victory inevitable, hear me before we win


You die and then respawn

Rage quit the game you're on

Give me a challenge. An opponent to be feared

I will make him bow before the Neckbeard


Death of the noob, end of the weak

You run away from my massacre

For safety you will seek

But if you run, your death will come faster

Do not question my skills

I don't need a mod

Proof is seen in my kills

In this game, I am a god!

“No I don't suck at this game!”

“The game must be broken!”

“you're probably hacking.”

“freaking spawn campers.”

“mom go away!”

“no I don't care!”

“yes I would like a sandwich…”

“Mom, why does this sandwich have tomato on it? You know I don’t like tomato.”

“thank you…”

“stop killing meeeeee!!!”


That game wasn't fair

Your Internet must be better

Your armor must be rare

You're probably just a hacker

I'm better than you in every way

Your kind is a disgrace

How about you learn how to play

I'll take you irl, face to face


You die and then respawn

Rage quit the game you're on

Give me a challenge. An opponent to be feared

I will make him bow before the Neckbeard

“In multiplayer, you follow my lead Digital bullets, piercing skin Hole in their head, making them bleed Victory inevitable, hear me before we win”
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At least in the mind of our neckbeard, he’s very good at first person shooter games.

“My upper lip, never shaven”
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He’s called a “neckbeard” for a reason…

“You die and then respawn Rage quit the game you’re on Give me a challenge. An opponent to be feared I will make him bow before the Neckbeard”
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The Neckbeard takes pride in being so good that it causes other people to give up, and seeks to do so as often as possible.

“The hairs on my neck, a tribute to GabeN”
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Because the creator of Steam will really care if you have facial hair or not.

“That game wasn’t fair Your Internet must be better Your armor must be rare You’re probably just a hacker I’m better than you in every way Your kind is a disgrace How about you learn how to play I’ll take you irl, face to face”
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Instead of admitting that someone is better than him, he has a list of excuses why he got owned. He then reinforces how much better he is, and challenges the other player to a fistfight if he feels otherwise.

“Death of the noob, end of the weak You run away from my massacre For safety you will seek But if you run, your death will come faster”
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Again, our friend is so good at FPS games that it sends other players cowering in fear. Or so he claims.

“Thought of fire, from drinking scotch”
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Maybe Mtn. Dew would be more appropriate, but it didn’t rhyme.

“This is not a game This is my life”
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You’re right, it’s a joke.

“You die and then respawn Rage quit the game you’re on Give me a challenge. An opponent to be feared I will make him bow before the Neckbeard”
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The Neckbeard takes pride in being so good that it causes other people to give up, and seeks to do so as often as possible.

““No I don’t suck at this game!” “The game must be broken!” “you’re probably hacking.” “freaking spawn campers.” “mom go away!” “no I don’t care!” “yes I would like a sandwich…” “Mom, why does this sandwich have tomato on it? You know I don’t like tomato.” “thank you…” “stop killing meeeeee!!!””
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It appears not only is our hero not as proficient at his video games as he has previously stated, but he also still lives with his parents.

“I tip my fedora to my saviour Notch!”
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This dude obviously plays way too much Minecraft.

“Do not question my skills I don’t need a mod Proof is seen in my kills In this game, I am a god!”
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He claims not to cheat, as his skill is so great that it is not necessary.