[Intro]

I wanna, high five

I wanna, high five

[Chorus]

I really want a high five

And if you give me one, I'll put my hand down

But if you don't give me a high five

Then I'll leave my hand up and cause a fuckin' scene

[Verse 1]

Cryin' grown man at your sister's birthday

Everybody askin' who brought that guy?

I'ma get weird and ruin your life

If you don't give me five and make it—make it hi—high

Down low, too slow, oh, no

I just offered your nephew blow

Stepped on shit talkin' mostly speed

And I'ma tell everyone you sold it to me

[Chorus]

I really want a high five

And if you give me one, I'll put my hand down

I'vе met your family, I know your home address

You bеtter slap a brother's metacarpals, otherwise, I promise consequences

[Verse 2]

Heel toe, heel toe

Welcome to the friggin' pain rodeo

I hope you brought your fightin' chaps

'Cause I'm about to get you slapped

A-ea-ea, what's that sound?

Could it be me buyin' everyone a round of

Fireball, but then drinkin' them all

And then tellin' your girlfriend that you're cheatin' on her with me

Someone pissed in all of your indoor houseplants

Oh, who could that be?

Somebody organized a threesome with your parents

Oh, I'm a little bit naughty

Someone constructed an apiary in your bathroom

Thirteen thousand bees

Someone hacked your Twitter account

And now you're followin' Jeffrey Epstein

Does your employer know that you starred in a TV show

Called, "Michael once admitted to me that he had sex on his boss' desk"

And yes, that show exists, but I guess that you just missed

That I constantly film you for an occasion just like this

An occasion just like this

Ruined because you're bein' a dick

You'll damage our friendship, you'll break up the band

If you don't slap my hand

[Chorus]

I really want a high five

And if you give me one, I will stop ruinin' your life

I don't know how it started, but this is how it ends

If you just slap my hand, we go back to best friends