[Verse 1]
Looks like I am forgetting how to forget
Soon you'll be back again
Soon you'll be back again
And I'm not prepared (And I'm not prepared)
[Pre-Chorus]
There's an outline of your face
You're not really there, I imagined it
You're not really there, I imagined it
[Chorus]
If you really care
Then you'd leave me alone, leave me alone
Tonight, I don't wanna be reminded
There's only traces of you left
[Verse 2]
It's taken all of my energy to feel like
I am finally getting back to my life
But soon you'll be here again
Reminding me again
That I'm not prepared (No, I'm not prepared)
[Pre-Chorus]
I can taste you in the air
The cologne you used to wear
You're not really there
[Chorus]
You're not really there
I can only feel traces of you
If you really care
Then you'd leave me alone, leave me alone
Tonight, I don't wanna be reminded
There's only traces of you left
You're not really there (You're not really there)
I can only feel traces of you
If you really care (You're not really there)
Then you'd leave me alone, leave me alone
Tonight (You're not really there)
I don't wanna be reminded
There's only traces of you left
[Bridge]
Oh, and sooner or later you'll disappear
And I'll be left with the memory
And feelings linger on for days
And everywhere I'll see your face
Oh, it's always at my lowest moments
That's when I need you
I'm only fooling myself (Myself)
That you'll be back again
Mmm
[Chorus]
You're not really there
I can only feel traces of you
If you really care
Then you'd leave me alone, leave me alone
Tonight, I don't wanna be reminded
There's only traces of you left
You're not really there (You're not really there, I imagined it)
If you really care (You're not really there, not really there)
Tonight (You're not really there, I imagined it)
I don't wanna be reminded
There's only traces of you left (Traces of you)
(I imagined it)
[Outro]
I can taste you in the air (You're not really there, I imagined it)
The cologne you used to wear (You're not really there, not really there)
I remember there were lots of party/disco lights and I was either hallucinating or seeing things, but the memories were so vivid – I thought I could see him.
The most triggering thing was the smell of his cologne.
This one particular incident happened in 2019 – I was at a friend’s listening to Rihanna, a little bit drunk, but happy and content. My friend popped upstairs and I was alone. Suddenly I smelt a waft of a certain fragrance and all these memories and emotions came flooding back.
Everyone goes through grief in their own way, for me it felt like it took me a long time to feel normal again.
I tried to reassure myself, this was just my mind playing tricks on me.
As memories fade and soften, to have all these devastating feelings suddenly present was such a bittersweet experience. In some ways it was nice to feel them, but mostly, in the cold light of day, when I’m not under the influence, I knew they weren’t real.
After eight years, I still can’t shake these flashbacks.