[DOCTOR]

A baby, Mrs Wormwood. A child. The most precious gift the natural world can bestow upon us has been handed to you. A brand new human being! A life. A person. A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder!

[MRS WORMWOOD]

Oh, bloody hell!

[DOCTOR]

Every life I bring into this world

Restores my faith in human kind

[NURSE]

Push, Mrs Wormwood, push!

[MRS WORMWOOD]

I'll push you in a minute!

[DOCTOR]

Each newborn life a canvas yet unpainted

This still, unbroken skin

This uncorrupted mind

[DOCTOR and ENSEMBLE]

Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely

The chances of existence almost infinitely small

[DOCTOR]

The most common thing in life is life

And yet every single life

Every new life

Is a miracle!

Miracle!

[MR WORMWOOD]

Where is he? Where's my son?

[DOCTOR]

Mr Wormwood! Are you smoking a cigarette?

[MR WORMWOOD]

What? Oh, of course. I'm sorry, doctor. What am I thinking? This calls for a proper smoke. Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing

[DOCTOR]

This is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen

[MR WORMWOOD]

Oh, my good Lord. Where's his fingie?

[DOCTOR]

His what?

[MR WORMWOOD]

His fingie. His whatchamacallit. His doo-dah. What've you done with his fingie?

[DOCTOR]

This child doesn't have a "thingie" –

[MR WORMWOOD]

What? A boy with no fingie? Look what you've done, you stupid woman. This boy's got no fingie!

[DOCTOR]

Mr Wormwood! This child is a girl. A beautiful, beautiful little girl

[MRS WORMWOOD]

Is there still time for the Bi-Annual Inter-Championship Amateur Sausage –

[MR WORMWOOD]

Dance competition's finished. You missed it. Look, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we?

[MRS WORMWOOD]

This is the worst day of my life!