When you've had too much to drink

There's certain things to keep in mind

Like when you find your hand and underarms are bleeding

Your beer bottle might not have a twist off cap

And don't ever go home with a woman they call Moose

Or Vince

And never bet that you can fit your head inside a glove compartment

Get drunk with dignity

Keep in mind that just because a bulldog licks your face

Its not necessary to lick him back

Stay away from drinks with names like

Brain seizure or hippo laxative

Get drunk with dignity

If a bar has human ears nailed ot the walls

Don't pass out there

And if your homemade jello has some goldfish in it

You used the wrong bowl

And there are phrases you must learn to avoid

Phrases like

"that badge looks stupid"

And

"I can prove these shoes are fireproof"

Get drunk with dignity

Try not to drool on bikers

Don't moon a nun

Unless you got a real good reason

Dont get romantically involved with farm machinery

Get drunk with dignity