"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the church of slack

I come before you today to save you from the perils of the evil

The clutches of sin!

And the devils and daemons lurking from within

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I come before you today and I present the world's first guilt-free religion

That's right, boys and girls, no more waking up early on sunday morning

It's all about believing in yourself!

I said it's all about believing in yourself!

I said it's all about believing in yourself!

Now listen up closely and listen to me

And I'll make sure you live the rest of your life bullshit-free!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, everybody out there, listen to me right now

I want you to put your hand on the stereo

Put your hand on the speaker

Not that speaker, the other speaker!

Put your hand on the speaker

I want you to put your hands in the air where I can see them

And I want you to repeat after me:

I am somebody!

I said I am somebody!

And I'm gonna believe in myself!

Because...

I am somebody!

And I'm gonna shake my ass."