[Intro: Jorma]

Ayo, new Lonely Island, 2011

Let's get 'em, 'Kiv!

[Verse 1: Akiva]

Ayo, my dick don't work, that shit as soft as a pillow

My girly lookin' at me like, “You for real, dude?”

[Break: Jorma]

Ayo, hold up, hold up, we gotta come harder than that

Yo, tell 'em, Andy

[Verse 2: Andy]

I think there might be something wrong with my dick

It's like a melted stick of butter, so soft that it can't fill the rubber

[Break: Jorma]

Aye yo, come on man, this is Lonely Island

People are countin' on us

I gotta run all these motherfuckers myself, woo!

[Verse 3: Jorma]

Ayo, I think I broke my dick in the sink

It's so small and ugly, all smashed and flat, like it was playing rugby

[Break: Jorma]

Hold up, hold up, this is serious!

Kiv let 'em know!

[Verse 4: Akiva]

Yo, for real though, I suffer from stinky dick

Every time I take a piss, it smells just like shit

[Break: Jorma]

Haha, yeah, that's what I'm talking 'bout!

Andy show 'em, how it's done!

[Verse 5: Andy]

My dick looks like the fat that you cut off a steak

Smashed in like my balls went and stepped on a rake

[Break: Jorma]

Lonely Island! Grammy nominated!

Yeah! Hit 'em again

[Verse 6: Akiva]

Yo, straight out the box with my soggy little shrimp

I was an eight year old girl before the doctor found my dick

[Break: Jorma]

We make too much money for this shit

Murder music!

[Verse 7: Andy & Jorma]

I shit the bed 'cause my dick played a prank on my butt (Hit 'em!)

Straight crept when I slept and stuck a laxative up

[Break: Jorma]

Suppository music!

What y'all know about incontinence?

[Verse 8: Akiva & Jorma]

I got Hepatitis C from a horse, but no confusion (Yeah!)

It wasn't from the sex, it was a blood transfusion!

[Break: Jorma]

What?! Motherfucker got horse blood! What y'all got?!

[Verse 9: Andy & Jorma]

I write freaky fan fiction where cartoons fuck

Got CGI Garfield lickin' Marmaduke's nuts (woo!)

[Break: Jorma]

I would like to see that! This is that Garfield sex music!

Now y'all just showin' off, preach!

[Verse 10: Akiva]

I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump

Every other week, I swing by and bring him some lunch

[Outro: Jorma]

Oh, now that just sounds nice!

I'ma call it right there, game over, motherfuckers!

Lonely Island, we started this fake rap shit!

The world needs us!