The algorithm eats Ebola with whole fat milk and granola for breakfast

The algorithm is watching us but has a Hello Kitty sticker over its own camera so we can't watch it

The algorithm is swaffeling Mark Zuckerberg

And the algorithm has contracted clamydia more times than Richard Brautigan ever did

The algorithm is on a keto diet but is having trouble keeping the weight of the world off its waistline

The algorithm is contemplating actually going back to its own shithole country

The algorithm is a shithole country

And the algorithm is a plus-size model and proud of its extra rolls of fat

The algorithm is busy updating the Kama Sutra

The algorithm exercises every day upon the treadmill that is Joe Rogan’s tongue

The algorithm is wanted by the authorities in three different countries for back alimony payments

The algorithm is addicted to Viagra and sticking its dick into everything

The algorithm …

The algorithm …

The algorithm blew out its lower back while twerking last time it was on spring break

The algorithm is still waiting on a sequel to the film Gummo

The algorithm is a big fan of the band Royal Trux

And the algorithm still hasn't made up its mind about the latest season of The Walking Dead

The algorithm …

The algorithm …

The algorithm is tired of all the zeroes and ones in its life

The algorithm jerks off to PornHub too

The algorithm doesn't think it should be blamed for all the race-baiting clickbait bullshit on the internet these days

The algorithm is waiting for its vacation money and plans on sipping piña coladas poolside somewhere where no one can find it but where it can keep an eye on everybody all the time every single day