[Intro]

I wanna steal a candy bar

Or maybe a car

I wanna get some money

That I didn't have to work for

[Verse]

Let's wear a mask like it's Halloween

And spraypaint vulgarities

On government property

Use the money at the Walgreens

That we got from Monopoly

Let's make fake names

Get maced in the face

And chased by Great Danes

Let's escape on freight trains

Let's wear fake mustaches

With British accents

Call cops fascists

While they try to catch us

Let's do burglaries and frauds

Let's run through security guards

Or whoever's in charge

[Chorus]

Let's pull off some elaborate heists

Dodge the satellites

Check the dogs, pick the locks, and go skippin’ off

Let's commit crimes together

[Verse]

Let's go to the McDonald's

To get a cup of water

And when they're not looking

We fill it up with Coca-Cola

Well, I don't even drink soda

We just got a crime quota

Let's liberate animals from research facilities

Go in reverse through the streets of Little Italy

On a moped we stole from the pizza delivery

Let's commit crimes together

[Chorus]

Let's be accomplices

Rob pharmacists, make some most wanted lists

Behead some local monuments

C'mon, buddy

Let's commit crimes together

[Verse]

Let’s go to people's houses

When we're not invited over

And take the change within the cushions

Of their sofa

I ain't even broke, man, I told ya

We just got a crime quota