I'm still the same sad kid that you loved

But i never loved you, just had me feeling enough

Years later I don't feel much

Just thoughtful and tired and scared and worked up

There's no balance no solace for me

I lost all my serenity at the age of 15

I still think about the way you used to look at me

And lie to myself about the way things could be

I'm shaking like a stranger

Who you are now

Growth in separation

The way you turned out

But i'm turning my back

It's nothing

I won't go back to being miserable

There's too much to live for

To waste time planning my funeral

It's hurtful

Letting you take center in my mind

The memories are getting dull

Just a sketch and i'm erasing the lines

Of our past life

I grew so much and I gave it up

So i could feel fine

So I could find some fucking balance and start living my goddamn life

Pour water on the embers

Set fire to the notes

I wrote in hopes they'd help me to fall in love

But I've never even had something close

Just been learning to cope

I spoke in fear of finding myself out

I knew i'd been feeding my doubt

When you smiled at me in the cemetery

Did you honestly believe that I could manifest happiness, please

I've been a wreck for some days

Leave my past in a haze, and my mind is a maze and my heart a blaze

My fingers trace familiar shapes on my chest

A dying sunset watch the world sleep in death oh

Do you remember spending nights under the stars when we walked out in front of cars

You let me tear you apart

It's cold outside my house

There's no stars there's only clouds

With you I can do without

The embers they burned out