I need a mother and a nurse

I need a girlfriend with a shotgun in her purse

I need a rug that doesn't stain

I need a muffler for my brain

I need Geraldo for some hope

And Oprah Winfrey's show

Can teach me how to cope

I need a country that's not sick

I need emotions hard as a brick

I need a peephole in my door

I need a leader that won't sleep

With common whores

I need to put my faith in God

I need a brand new fishing rod

I need a castle and a sword

Or just a room inside the clinic's mental ward

I need some focus or a dream

I need to justify my inflated self esteem

I need a sink that doesn't drip

Or a bag of chips that won't

Explode if they are ripped

I need a personality enhancer

I need a cure for cancer

I need to stop the way I drink (over at People's)

I need to know that wolves

Won't soon become extinct

I need a savior that forgives

I need to change the way I live

I need a freezer full of juice

I need to find a way so I don't reproduce

I need a pony and a boat

I need to think before I vote

I need the press to feed me lies

I need a pet that never dies

I need to catch a piece of ass

I need to learn to stain some glass