Pro life, pro choice, beauty queens

Liquid Clorox, feminine hygiene

Coca Cola, Tarter toothpaste

Dial this number, slap it on my face

Perfect placement, highway ditch

And useless products, that's my niche

I, the billboard

Pitching God-knows-what

The billboard, cheap space I'm a freeway slut

Granddad of the discount ad

I've sold indoor tanning, Campbell's soup

Funeral caskets, porno flicks and Fruit Loops

Garden Weasels, ceiling fans

Fireworks and alcohol, fake hair for the balding man

On a billboard

Pitching God-knows-what

The billboard, cheap space I'm a freeway slut

Granddad of the discount ad

Be wise, advertise

There's ads for famous churches, topless bars

Homeless shelters, missing kids and rock stars

Fast food and 3.2 beer, next filling station

I see the culture, I see one nation

On a billboard

Pitching God-knows-what

The billboard, cheap space I'm a freeway slut

Granddad of the discount ad

Be wise, advertise