I bought you for my daughter's birthday

But I'm keeping you for myself

I just couldn't imagine you wasting away

From utter neglect in her dollhouse hell

I peeled off all your tags

And pulled you out of the bright pink box

I knew I had to hide my fantasy bride

In the drawer beneath my socks

Now my family goes to sleep and we go downstairs

So no one will discover what the young lovers share

Chorus:

I pretend your knees and elbows bend

And you're all anatomically correct

With a brain above that plastic neck

But I get so, so angry when you just sit and stare

Like some inanimate bimbo

There's gouges and marks all over your body

Cause I've let my nasty temper go

You're not as pretty since I broke your foot

When I threw you against the wall

I've burned you with my matches, razor cuts and scratches

And you forget and forgive it all

Believe me when I say I'm gonna leave my wife

And find a magic doctor that'll bring you to life

Chorus