[Intro]

Well...

[Verse 1]

The Poopsmith, he could talk (Hello!)

And Marzipan would rock

And The Stick would be this big ol' tree

Who'd try to eat everyone except for The Cheat and me

(And me!) We'll see...

[Verse 2]

And The King of Town would be underground

In a box filled up with peas

(I hate peas!) I know!

Bubs would give away flamethrowers

That shoot chocolate hundred dollar bills

(Imitation chocolate!)

And my stupid baby brother

Would have been born with horns and a tail

(I'm evil...)

[Verse 3]

And Coach Z would wear this cool jacket

(Check it out, yo!)

And Homestar just couldn't hack it

(I quit!)

And Pom Pom wouldn't change at all

Except he'd look like an ABA basketball

(Two, three, four)

[Outro]

And this little weirdo

Would be a modestly hot girl

To help me through the hard times

You know, the kind that are only sorta hot

So they don't mess around with other guys

(D'ah-ah-ah, I'm forever your girl!)