I don’t care when I die that I won’t be canonized

All that really matters is what I look through my mother’s eyes

I hope I’m not alive when you hear this

But baby don’t worry, it scares me too, I mean it

I’ve been having such a hard time coping with my failures

I feel so defeated, lost purpose and meaning

I’d stop if I could if it'd slow down my breathing

I haven’t felt good about myself in a while

Tried to compare my life with the stories in your bible

To see if I could be holier, less lonelier

But talks about doing good never made me feel

Like a saint, it only made me feel like a coward a fake

I’m not afraid of not being remembered

I’m more afraid of not enjoying the time

I have remaining

Every single feeling that I’ve felt has been felt before

And the only thing I feel is fear, never less, nevermore

What scares me the most is that I’m still young

You’re burning so bright, there’s more things to come

But I don’t hear Calvary calling your name

Apostles in bottles, come on, keep me safe

I don’t deserve a second chance

I choked too many times

I’m surprised I’m not dead

I shouldn’t be called your family

I’m guilty for trying I just wanted

To belong, to feel loved

For someone to give a fuck

It’s been too long since I’ve

Gotten some help

What the fuck’s point of living

If I can’t be myself?

I should just get over it all

I’m nothing special

It’s all gone, tell Calvary to hold on

I’m coming soon

But I care what you think about me

Say nice things about me

Say something, you love me, please

Speak good at my funeral

Cause even if I’m dead

I’ll still live for your approval