Take one ageing backroom clerk

Take one spinster knitting tweed

When you place them both together

There are more than two mouths to feed

Spin this creaking dockyard crane

Turn that whining turbine drill

When imposing new restrictions

There are more than two mouths to fill

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer

Marigold conjunction

Spindled forceps, mating doorsteps

Where is all this cold compunction?

In the nearness of the night when the phantom opera sings

He'll be searching his discomfort at the tidings providence brings

In the looseness of the thread when the vestment gains its width

He'll be brandishing his tuba at the stomp of Mulligan's myths

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer

Marigold conjunction

Highland garters, droning martyrs

Where is all this cold compunction?

Search through his chain mail coat

There's no-one to report

Stand by his lace-up shield

There's seldom cause to joust, the contest endeth

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer

Marigold conjunction

Fresian dairy, quite contrary

Where is all this cold compunction?

Glass-eyed with shaking hand

The famous pinch of snuff

Tongue-tied with trembling legs

There's seldom need to walk, the pathway endeth

Mercy be the time has flown!

Tell the Verger he must wake

Gather all the spangled fragments

All the cinnamon he would take

Throw nostalgia to the wind

It will compensate your loss

He delivers this contraption from all it's turpentine dross

Quaintly Ebeneezer, lemon tweezer

Marigold conjunction

Mottled fawnings, mildewed awnings

Where is all this cold compunction?

Maybe lemon tweezer, Ebeneezer

Celluloid consumption

Rearguard syndrome, toothless earcombe

What is all this bleeding unction?