[Verse 1]

You ever put yourself down just to be more loved?

You ever get three occasions where you just feel shoved

The third wheel in relationships, but you still feel the urge to stay

The dread fills your head as you turn off your phone, hit the hay

Your place as a boyfriend is as fragile as your mental state

And that's just held at gunpoint by your motherfucking bae

It's okay to not be okay, but I wanna help you anyway

My friend might die tonight so I might have to prioritize them over you

But a single text leads me crawling back evеry time, through and through

And while we'rе having a fucking conversation about random shit

I send LOL's and laughing faces but really I'm not in the conversation a slight bit

And before I realize what's going on

I've passed out and it's time for school and it feels wrong

My girlfriend and bestie sending me constant messages through the night

But my lover doesn't talk at school, I know something isn't right

They aren't my partner anymore, they told me by text at 3 AM

I check my phone when I get home and it wasn't them

Could you imagine being dumped via your girl's friend

I was torn, honestly thought this girl was my world

But the news spread around school fast, everyone heard

Apart from my friend, he didn't show up

I thought he might've been sick and took no notice

And by the next week, I'd had enough

He didn't come in Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

So I asked him on discord if he was aight

I got no response, he wasn't online

I waited, and waited, for hours at a time

He went online and I was marked as seen

So I asked him how he was doing again

Hoping that he would respond quick

No response, so I asked if he had been sick

He didn't respond, and within minutes I got blocked

"Maybe he just hates me for some reason" I just thought

So I cried myself to sleep, I lost two friends that week

And to the rest of my friends, I didn't even want to speak

And when I left, they called that shit peak

[Verse 2]

But nothing could have prepared me for tomorrow

Everyone seemed sad, for what reason I didn't know

We got told there would be an assembly today

It seemed quite chill, nothing out of the ordinary

But as my headteacher took her first words it was getting scary

I knew something had happened, she looked like she'd seen someone buried

But I didn't know, that it would actually be me

For my friend last night wasn't the one who didn't want to speak

It was his sister, going through his phone

So his parents didn't see the pretenses of what he said on his own

Because the night I lost my girl was the night I lost him

He said he'd swallow some pills that night, I didn't believe him

Tried to calm him down, and get him to sleep

By the time he went through, I had collapsed in a heap

He had problems with sexuality and getting bullied at school

Never took his situation seriously, I was such a fool

I didn't know how to feel when I heard he went through

Heard his name and people in my form had said 'Who?'

He wasn't a friend to many, but he was a friend to me

I pondered his choice that night when I went to sleep

I never considered opening the book before

He had read every chapter many times I had asked him what for

I decided to open the book and started to read

I know it had lead to the deaths of the rappers that I'd seen

From Juice to Mac Miller, hell, even Lil Peep

This a coping mechanism, I hope it doesn't happen to me

[Instrumental]

[Outro]

It had to be you, why not me?

Goodbye