[Verse 1: Carl]

December 25th and it's Christmas time

Me and Peter on that Christmas wine

Sam and Stu in that Christmas sunshine

And now I gotta go back to Christmas uh time

It's so cold out here, it's so warm out there

And we fuckers ain't got a fucking chair

We only got two, we need four people

In this mother fucking crib; sitting on the pool table

He's got the red fucking balls behind him

Peter's fucking - sun shining

WrestleMania 17 on the TV

Mother fuckers - you can't see me

John Cena's entrance, now he comes out

He wasn't there in 2001 now

[?]

[Verse 2: Sam]

Yo, yo

Me and Stu do better things

We hate these things

This country

So shit

We go to Canada

[Verse 3: Carl]

Fat boy - and he wears some shorts

[?] when I was saying that Stu was on the computer

And he's about to lay a track down

I'ma lay the smack down on this mother fucker

Slap it up, back down

To the floor now he's on the mat now

Looking at the clouds and they fucking clap now

They go surround sound in the zone

And he's looking like "where the fuck is all my friends?"

They don't even feel him

And the beat's gone

[Bridge: Peter]

And the beat's gone

And the beat's gone

[Verse 4: Carl]

Stuart Car off to Canada

And he's about to pick some bras off the bar

Cause chicks throw them at him but he won't do nothing 'bout it

Now he's gonna

Do

Yeah, he's got some doo-doo on his shoe

He looks down it was a grizzly bear's poo

Then he said to the bear "What you doing here?

Why've you got brown hair like my Mum's vagina?"

[Verse 5: Sam & (Peter)]

Yeah

Yeah, yeah he wears them fly clothes

Yeah yeah

(Gonna shag hoes)

Dem shorts

(Dem shorts)

Dem chains, dem shorts, dat jumper

Dat earring

Dat dat dat dat dat hair

He drinks D

[Verse 6: Carl]

Woke up this morning

I was feeling fine

I was waiting for my friends

Got up at nine

Brush my teeth, went in the shower

Waiting for this mother fucker for half an hour

We were waiting in the kitchen

Peter's coming

No he isn't

"Where the fuck is that guy?

He's a fat guy"

Rolling in his car going down the backside

Going down the hill

Try'na pop a pill

But he can't because his fucking ass on the wheel

And he can't turn it

Peter's swerving like an alcoholic

Then he gets here; we go to bowling

Yeah you know, yeah we know we're rolling

Got the bounce on the beat and we're hitting all the hoes in the street

Yeah, yo, you know what?

You know what I mean?

Now we fucking throw the pins like 'yep, yep, yep, yep'

So many pins knocked down

So many pins knocked down

No taking piss of emails

"Yo, bitch can I get your email?"

She said "No. You can get my friend's"

I said "I don't want your friend's

I want your friend in the back of my Benz

With her pants down and her booty going round

Throw it on the back

Yo, get on the handstand

Uh, what the fuck did we do next?

We went golfing - driving range

Mother fucker look at me driving things

Okay, 9 holes let's talk about the first hole

I got the first one cause I need the goal

And I need to score

Hit it off the fucking wall

But there ain't no walls there's only fucking trees

The guys in the front of us - they were smoking trees

The guys behind us - they need to smoke some trees

Relax now

Can't concentrate when they're in the background

Wanna fucking slap them right back down

Cause the fucking place they came from is Poynton

I don't see the point in them being here

Cause they are fucking so queer

And I can't fucking stand them behind me

Gotta hit them with the sweet chin music

And you know I got the sweet chin

I rhymed the same things

None of us can putt

None of us can putt

No, none of us can putt

No no, none of us can putt

No, we can't putt the ball, we can't put it down

Put it in the hole and we bring it back around

And we get in Peter's Car and we going to the bar

And we need to go real far, real real far

It took about 30 minutes, driving in the traffic;

Swerving lane to lane now you gotta keep it classic

Something on the radio that make us feel so good

Then we getting, uh, I need some soul food

I'm so hungry, gimme that starter

But we ain't starters, we getting all the plarters - That's platter, or something else

I don't really give a fuck, it doesn't matter

Buffet or a bouquet but there's only one course

Then he got a steak with the motherfucking Diane sauce

I don't know mother fucker, keep it real

[Outro: Peter]

That was awesome

Really? The last line was 'diane sauce'?