The Toaster (Remastered)

[Verse 1]

Yo, I woke up in a bathrobe, half-stoned

Heard a voice whisperin’ static through my iPhone:

“It's the toaster, bro, watch him close, he knows ya,"

Now I’m duckin’ down low with a loaded mimosa

Burnt bagel, black smoke, that's the sign!

I swear the toaster winked at me at 9:09

I ain’t paranoid, I’m just super-aware

Of appliances conspiring with my Tupperware

They said I’m crazy, but maybe I’m woke

Microwaves laughin’ while I’m havin’ a stroke

TV said "Hi" in a British accent

Now I’m beefin' with a Keurig in my basement, yeah

I hacked into my own dreams, rerouted the plot

Just to cancel my еx like a Netflix flop

I sent a cеase and desist to my own reflection

For smirkin’ at me during self-inspection

I’m half genius, half glitch, with a caffeine twitch

Type poems to the void like a poetic snitch

They said “Grow up, Source,” I said “Nah, I’m timeless,”

Now I’m spittin’ in tongues with a mind that’s mindless

Uh, Source Guy? Yeah, this is Dr. Feldman. I’m… I’m gonna go ahead and cancel all future appointments

It’s not you it’s me...

Actually, it’s definitely you

I watched the footage of you threatening your blender with nunchucks

Also, please stop mailing me Pop-Tarts with your lyrics on them

Good luck… and, uh… don’t eat the crayons again

Yo, Doc!

First of all

Those weren’t nunchucks, they were chopsticks!

And second, that blender started it, bro

He made eye contact...

...Nobody disrespects Source Guy at breakfast...

They said I’m crazy, but maybe I’m woke

Microwaves laughin’ while I’m havin’ a stroke

TV said "Hi" in a British accent

Now I’m beefin' with a Keurig in my basement, yeah