Phone:
I just took you to school!
WHO BLEW UP THE AUDIENCE?
WHO'S TIME IS COMING NE-
Baldi:
*Pauses video*
Wow! That was terrible!
*Phone rings*
"Terrible Rap Battles Of Comic Sans!"
Hello? Who is this? Uh, hello?
"Baldi!"
That's me!
"Versus!"
Hmm...
"Ghostface!"
Oh, god damn it!
"Begin!"
Ghostface:
You've entered a horror film you're not skipping with a Dead Meat Vid
Wait til' I crack you open, boil some dinner on that egghead, kid
School's out, but there's still rules to follow with the pen & paper
Or your ass is dropping fast like Baldi's REALLY in the elevator
First of all, you gotta reference hip-hop shit
I'm Ghostface Killah on the mic while that bald head is more Logic
Next, a creepy guy targeting kids is just asking for a pedophile line
I should call the cops on you, but like your Patron perks they wouldn't get here in time (Heh!)
Can you guess which battle that's from? (Who knows?)
I wouldn't be shocked if you blundered
When every damn rap battle channel has whored you out like you're Sidney Prescott's fucking mother!
Now finally - hey! Are you even listening? Ah, just forget it
How about I call you back when Basically Games gets good reception
Baldi (Verse 1):
Oh, hi there, buddy, I'm Baldi
With beats I'm a modern Vivaldi
So don't run in my halls, if you tried you'd slippin
Drop the pog face mask and you'd still be trippin
I rock the school house, you belt about how your girl won't let you bang her like it's Sidney's Soap Opera House
I got twelve inches of wood to show to your girl, so Baldi says put deez balls in your mouth!
MTV set the scene for a crime scene
From duo of whiny teens to produced by the Weinsteins
You're the most obnoxious voice I've faced from a payphone
Not scared of a Craven stan's radio gameshow
Taking Ls to one girl, you can't kill the beat
With that drip the only mystery you're giving me is 'Trick Or Treat'
With all the cheating in your mom and dad's marriage
Can't tell what gets used more, that mask or your parents
I thought you were meant to make fun of tropes in horror films, man
But with that reboot you should've learned to GET OUT WHILE YOU'RE STILL CANNED!
Ghostface (Conversationally):
Ooh, a part where Baldi yells. What's next, a fucking Dream reference?
Guess I shouldn't be surprised when you peaked battling the Slender, bitch
Baldi (Conversationally):
Oh, just shut it, Loomis
Ghostface (Conversationally):
Oh, you still think it's THAT type of Ghostface battle?
Nice hypothesis, but Billy's not quite at the phone right now...
*Takes off his mask*
Say hello to Stu Macher, bitch!
Stu Macher:
Stick to teaching kids two + two
When it's you + Stu, I split tutors in two
You'll never chalk up to me
Thought you'd spit better, looking like you're on a CD
Fuck caps, popping sodas takes you off of the scene
The name is Macher, you're a damn mockery
I'll Birthday Bash your face in, show you how I handle a party
Want beef? Oh please, just flee from me
Or I'll wipe the floor with ya, that's a sweep, sweep, sweep!
Billy Loomis (Conversationally):
Stewie, what the hell are you doing?
Stu Macher (Conversationally):
I'm making sure this freak doesn't escape like he's Dewey!
Billy Loomis (Conversationally):
Just stick to the plan
Dude, you forgot to ask him if he liked scary movies!
Stu Macher (Conversationally):
Fuck!
Billy Loomis (Conversationally):
You're making the battle longer
With someone like him, what else are we gonna say?
Stu Macher (Conversationally):
I'm sorry...
Billy Loomis (Conversationally):
Now we have nothing!
Stu Macher (Conversationally):
I know, it's like you on Mother's Day!
Billy Loomis:
What? Okay, fuck you Stu, I brought us to the top of the box office
Only big screen you smash is when it falls on your face for a shock of a plot twist
Stu Macher:
Your bargain bin plots are thin & your legacy's lost its relevance
You're acting's more dead than your family
So this 'Ghost's Face' is taking the L in this!
Baldi:
(Hatefully stares at the two while breathing heavily as they argue)
Billy Loomis (Conversationally):
Oh, fuck, behind you!
Baldi (Conversationally):
I'm going to shove this ruler up your fucking ass!
(Knocks out Billy with one ruler swipe)
Billy Loomis (Conversationally):
Oh, fuck, he's gonna start screaming!
Baldi:
LEAVE SCHOOLING TO THE PROS
NO FIELD TRIP BUT I KILL WITH ROASTS
WITH THE CAMPINESS YOU BRING
I'M LIGHTING FIRE TO YOUR WOODSBORO
GOT CAPPED BY A REPORTER
WHEN THE SMOKE STARTED TO SETTLE
DIDN'T GET A SHINY QUARTER
BUT STILL EARNED YOURSELF SOME METAL
YOU GOT MAD 'CAUSE YOUR BALLS ARE SORE
TRYNA LEAVE THE DOG HOUSE SO BAD
YOU'D GET STUCK IN THE DOGGY DOOR
PREPARE FOR CREMATING
WHEN YOU PEEP ONTO CAMPUS
NOT TALKING A SCREAM PAINTING
BUT YOU'LL BE ON THE CANVAS!
Well, that concludes our lesson
Hope we meet again, but
Call you the school bus
You'll stop moving once you're seeing red!
Heheheeh!
Announcer:
Who wooon?
Who's neeeext?
We deciiiide
Terrible Rap Battles Of- Ah!
Ghostface:
Comic Sans!