Funkmaster Flex Freestyle

By Slaughterhouse

Released on 2011

67K Views

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[Royce Da 5’9"]

When you kick a bar you spit somethin' that no one's feelin'

When I kick a bar I'm outside of the strip club belligerent drunk

Kickin' the bricks on the buildin', uh

You ain't seen no sicker, no iller chump

Fly girl magnet, I'm infectious; if I have it, your girl has it

This verse is Earv Magic

Nobody cares about you swervin' your Mercedes and your OG's

Who used to do some murders in the 80's

My will is the bark, well

My will is barking chicks

I turn around like my wheel is parallel parking

Aside from liquor I don't got many habits

So you should tell your American girl

To stay away from me like Lenny Kravitz

Y'all either falling off or barely hanging on

My chicks pants looks like Shawty Lo's hairline: painted on

If you don't like me, so what, I could fight, what

That ain't no punchline, I can fight

To all the sucker punching this is a sucker punch

I snuff you from behind, punk, uff you frontin' Thank me later

If there's war on my block call me Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor

'Cause you won’t see the face of my neighbor

Housegang, Shady, we ain't Wu-Tang

This is the player circle, and I'm wearing two chains

Go against me, oppose God

This snub barrel lookin' like the .357 just got a nose job

Detroit, the world feel us

We call the murder appeal ya

We call the burner a thriller

We call tequila quitila, steal you like a B&E

Every rapper claim to be a mixture of BIG and Pac; I'm a mixture of me & me

My EMG reads GV and TNT

And you can find me twisted on E and E on TMZ

Or passed out the couch on Media Takeout

Not carin' what y’all sayin'

Lettin' my balls hang


[Joe Budden]

Some dudes drink away the pain, I think of ways to gain

And it happens so naturally you think it's preordained

Straight from Lyor's Reign, escape from that ball and chain

Couldn't tell if I was in it for the long haul or fame, wait

See, I'm layin' low on the island

I been learned that saying no is a talent

Jokers want beef but keepin' up is a challenge

Can't tell if I'm tryna get even or find a balance

But I'm much closer, I won't front

Broads love it, so sober but so blunt

A charming asshole, want him all the same

Tell him I feel the ice as its forming in my veins

Chasin' the high so much that we both hurtin'

To the point it ain't even about the other person

So we even, I'm in love with her rear and where I would be

And she in love with the idea of what I could be

On top of the world but desire to fall

But what's the point of dreamin' big if you acquired it all

But if lyricism is back, we helped it spearhead

If we orderin' CL's make mine a year ahead

I skip the club line and don't get turned around

So girls come at a high volume I don't turn them down

No pregnant broads and no minors, A1 bars with Em as a co-signer

I hit jeweler without checking the cost yet

I ain't rich my dude, but peep the way I offset

Don't be confused by the Bentleys and the Corvettes

Got stories from my hood that'll rival those of war vets

Jersey City helped 'em mold to what I amounted to

My only beef is that they don't hold itself accountable so

A few resent me, but I'm cool with it

They handed me the city before I knew what to do with it


[Crooked I]

My strap spark at exact targets

I'm snatchin' up black markets

You whack artists should target your rap argot

I keep my ice chunky, condos in wine country

You know my spine hungry, that mean I'm back starvin'

Back with the tax-fraudin'

Illegal stash in the backyard

And I'm plantin' my cash garden while the crack harden

I might creep through your quiet house

I'll tie your spouse down by the couch pullin' the iron out

While she hidin' out, she don’t know where the money's hidin' out

Gimme the money before I put this iron snout in your lyin' mouth

I am out my mind when it come to filling up my accounts with fly amounts

Might buy an ounce, flip it to get it

'Cause I am bout that life my G

My gun unload, I live by another code

My desire, run the globe

You thinkin' that you born to be the ish

'Cause you fell out your mother's other hole

Hail Mother, uh uh, no

You don't think that Crooked I's hot

Why not, is it cause my Maybach's in your blind spot

I sleep with one eye open like an insomnia-stricken Cyclops

'Cause I could rest in that pine box

I'm on so many drinks don't even count em

So high I fall up some stairs instead of down 'em

So high call that American Airline

Flex put us on to tear up his airtime

You not a legend like John, move back like his embarrassing hairline

Let the heir to the chair shine

Throughout ugliness, the Slaughter's there with me

It's all Lovie Smith, my team Bear with me

Still I'm feeling like an organ donor

So many people dying to get a part of me

Like I was born with a rare kidney

But come and get me, I leave you down under somewhere in Sydney

A different kind of chopper, I'm still airlifting

See my momma named me Dominick

That’s synonymous with ominous

I'm in this game to show you what drama is

I'm in this game to conquer it

Genghis Khan in this monstrous entourage

What challenger can dodge my barrage

Look at the DuPont registry: that's my garage

Convertible Beamer paint blacker than Amistad

Hear the engine noise, I’m ballin' with different toys and

Still I rap like Kool G when he was spittin' poison

My pen game is sick: call it penicillin

Since sky's the limit, this the flow that could kill a ceiling

You guys are gimmicks, hide your women

Crooked's into Virginia drillin'

The realest women they feel the villain

I'm fill 'em with big pimpin', even virgins

I lose a leg: I throw a shoe on my third one

Look how easy the words come

I'm the West Coast savior

Why you think they yellin' church when the verse done?

Speakin' of church, I'm from the city where sinners dwell

Sinister LBC, I came to give ‘em Hell

I'm judgin' day, I'm judgin' all you infidels

Sippin' Zinfandel, my liquor be off the Richter Scale

I'm here to intercept mics like I gotta pick from Vick in the NFL

Live Flamboyant until I'm Big as L

And on that T.R.H.O… ahhhhh


[Joell Ortiz]

New York you have now tuned in to the four illest

Lyricist on the planet moving for-ward

I foresee our forthcoming album less than four months

You been forewarned so make room on the forefront

And me I'm the YAOWA of the wrecking crew

Speak to your feet if I'm who you thinking 'bout stepping to

'Cause I ain't only nice with the flow

I'm nice toe to toe blood'll fly out your nose

If you wonder why your ho looking

Like a seamstress from Bed-Stuy I'm sew Brooklyn

She like the way I lace up the macs

The sag on the trues and shake through the snaps

And if I ever scrape it's a wrap

She'll be dripping like a fountain no mountain just breaking her back

Speaking of beating I'm a ape on the track

You in the jungle with bananas placed on your hat

If you rhyme it ain't safe for you scrap

Unless it's an old Biggie verse don't put Faith in your raps

I'm in the spot doing my hammer dance

Like New York's Mom on Flavor of Love you don't stand a chance

Everybody with me be waiting to dump

Your homie imitating Flex they faking the funk

Cooper Projects what up y'all

Yeah I'll be at the next poker game with a buck y'all

Damn right I still be's in the trenches

I'm hood I can fall asleep on the benches

I'm not a rap dude I'm a dude who rap

Before this man, y'all saw the cypher

Whole awards was hyper

I'm just looking at the game is bad

'Cause I'm board and I'm running out of ways to brag

How many times I said I'm nicer than

Or I'm better than much harder or way more clever than

Armed and sick I'm such a veteran

Man I'm about to make ringtone rap and watch my cheddar spin

'Cause when you're too nice you're underground

That's funny cause Eminem gave me money for not dumbing down

Dummies bet you dumb-out off our dumb sales

Or how the name spread like dum-dum shells

And if you wanna know why hating is dumb, well

For one thing I'm underneath 110 dumbbells

Shorty I'll knock your head off your collar bone

Snap your spine play your ribs like a xylophone

Don't mind me I'm just on one

Not drugs I mean a mic and when I'm on this I'm gone son

I don't know where I go but I am not here

Shorty giving me Chewbacca I'm rubbing her Spock ears

Beam me up like a good blast; spaced out we come back y'all in hood class

Pay attention it's an A if you thoro

Be real with your click

Don't let me C you with the D's cause that's a F if you snitch

Wanna graduate with honors cock back and spray

The llama at your drama

Let your hard work slap your baby mamma

In the face, in the face of defeat yo

I always find a way to win I'm Tim Tebow

I can't quit I'm too proud with a big ego

Royce told me I'ma go Hollywood

He right, cause I'm gon' see all the nonbelievers and be like

Haha vroom vroom vroom goodnight

And pull off in a sick (Fe)rrari All you see is paper plates like a kid's party

And a thick Barbie

I'm one quarter of the Slaughterhouse

But all alone I'm four quarters of New York and what its all about

If you on the Island bang on your cell

If you want the streets wildin' dog you bang for Joell

Y A O W A I'ma tell everybody in the world the proper way it gets spelled

I ain't going no where so get use to me

If you can't stomach me cool go ahead and puke from me

I don't give a fuck though truthfully

I'm so stuck being a booth bully

Polo tucked under my Guc' hoodie

We all God's kids, but I'm a chosen one

He took his time with me he said "I'm almost done"

I just wanna make his brain murder

And add a little more down there

So when he stroke he can go way further

She bonin' me cause you can't hurt her

You ain't got nathan on my frankfurter

I'm a good MC might go to Guitar Center cop a good MP

And find a good loop

Hit the drum pad

And rhyme as hard as my biological son's dad

Wow, SMH-LMAO

Y'all gotta be JK do I say what I say yo

I can miracley whip up a hundred like Mayo

When I'm just trying to shoot for 50 Tony Yayo


[Royce Da 5’9"]

Now Ryan's wit is electric like appliances

Now let the iron fist wreck ya, I insist

I'm here to tap some draws, tap some jaws

Ballin', as for y'all I'm here to palm the whole globe like a basketball

They told me I was gold; I ain't react at all

I'm staying hungry like Em while these ho's act in awe

F money but tell the government give me some since they print it

I'ma schizophrenic, mental clinic, pencil penning

Pimp lieutenant living the life in which if you flinch you in it

Quit your pretending you here to be saved I'm simple-y sent to be sinnin'

Your minds on bitter your vibes on Twitter

Check my file my resume is verified on Twitter

Your jeans got a coochie under it

I'll hang up sign that says your place

With a arrow pointin' down and put you under it

I been a vet reppin' since Eminem's test record

And it was better then any of our enemy's best efforts

And it was just us then, we been the best bet den

We stay on top of our green like vinaigrette dressing

I gotta right hand, it's Debo cold

Run into me playin' and end up with Steve-O's nose

I will leave you where you riffin' at, yelling take that

While I click-and-clack two guns that I nicknamed This and That

I play the tune of violence for hours with the same gun

That Nas used in I Gave You Power, Rewind - listen back

The damn drum'll leave you in the can with your Samsung

Can put a foot in your mouth, without a damn tongue

You plus one on the list at the club

With your boy don't give you the right to challenge a pro, you And1

I don't got no story

All I know is I'm quick to pop and put that boy

In a hole turn his body to a suppository

While y'all hard I'm rolling alone

I get your broad pregnant then I pay to abort it with a card over the phone


[Joe Budden]

I predict the top MC's taking a dive this year

When that album drop how they gon' survive this year

See New York and New Jersey being live this year

With my Knicks beating Miami in five this year

I be thinking bout how far dude came sitting court side

Beat trial with my Co-D on the court side

Porsche fly tell the naysayers let the thought die

Hat low bloggers tend to watch him with a hawk eye

Spit from the heart and the listeners incline

To believe that I can't be one of a kind

'Cause to say that would insist this kind of realness existed before my time

So the circumstance is different for this prisoner of the mind

Where there's corrupt CO's barely touch C-Notes

Cuffs and keyholes inflating voluptuous egos

Bars can't hold me and the judge can't control me

Unlimited tobacco now who got the rollies

Get froggy but I'm not the guy at all

It'll be occupy the funeral occupy the morgue

Catch him off guard he sleep when a killer walk in

2 shots mussled by feathers now he pillow talking

Brave move tryin' test my resolve with no grind

Come Showtime I'm like Dexter to y'all

Just based off what I'm hearing from the rest of New York

Quite honestly I should be the best by default

But rappers are sensitive so the tension is felt

They let me list on the shelf I'm supposed to mention myself

So all I think about while I'm inching to wealth

Is how's Tyler, The Creator when I keep reinventing myself

Keep my name outta rumors I really use to hear a lot

Left a model got models trying to get near the spot

But I treat girls like gang members, think I care or not

If she got no body, I don't wanna see a tear drop

No Barbie's just Jessica Rabbits

Gave her the best pipe ever and she deaded her Rabbit

Don't care that she's anti social

My Darren Sproiles boo she do what the last Bush was supposed to

They don't like me 'cause I be where the dykes be

I ain't with the game so I catch em on a bye week

Get it more bars more torture

The game needed change so Em gave em 4 quarters

Watch how we generate watch who you implicate

Dissing me is only gon' instigate goons that would love to let the Inf spray

Put them young boys in your bathroom

Be mindful of what your Penn State

He should know he got no wins beefing

No hype for his career he got no ends meeting

Truck is a 0 12 I ain't low end speeding

Exterior's eggnog Joey so in season

Copy collect weapons as a hobby, in your lobby they gon' probably

Think I'm crazy if I end up with a body

Think I'm off course cause standing over the corpse

Without cause screaming "This was only supposed to be a robbery"

Yeah Joey, undisputed man in Jers'

If you understand words with talent you can't curb

But come and see him if you looking for that tan work

Know about my prices out in Denver even Sam Hurd

Joey, Jersey what up


[Crooked I]

You never picture me clicking with Brooklyn's merge

In the Murder Mitten when you heard him spittin'

You didn't know that the world was getting an introduction to pure destruction

A circle with murderous verbal written's or serving sentences of all bars

2012's all ours, the Chuck Taylor crew I'm talking All-Stars

You add Eminem, our hits are the hardest

Turn DJ's to MMA fighters when they mix Marshall's artists

You y'all ain't messing with the garbage

You ain't F-ing with that Dodger hat, unless your name Mr. Marcus

I lift ya carcass and if you listen to this ill spit in your whip

Then I bet it get you carsick

This Long Beach everyday y'all

I'm saying Free Tray Deee I'm saying R.I.P. Nate Dogg

I'm just a slaughter rider waiting for you in that same basement

That Biggie Smalls had your daughter tied up

Waiting for that snitches car to drive up

He come inside and die, I hop in his whip and turn The Carter 5 up

I mean The Carter 4 I paint any town red that's the Art Of War

I'll buss you in any city this not a tour

I tax you I'm not an auditor either or I'm at you

And it ain't no other mobsters we a mix between

Tyra Banks and energy drinks fore-headed Monster


[Joell Ortiz]

I was gonna rhyme but forget it, this too wicked

You know I'm the GOAT y'all I'm just kidding

I'm a wizard when my wrist spinning

So New York (86) eighty-six'ed Dwight Gooden in the 5th inning

Mojo like HoJo bumping 3rd Bass in a fo' door

Dropping your ho home though

As far as homes go quit junior

Stop bloggin' before I dance on your Noggin like Nick Jr

Let your mans talk some shit to you

I run New York and I don't go joggin' without the fifth Ruger

Pop shit you get pop quick Papi pop up popsicle cool

Then POP like a squashed zit

Y'all ain't got the fever y'all just car sick

I put your number 1 Ceasar in arm pit

I pull strings like a guitar riff

You pull strings from Polly-O chesse please you harmless

Come here let me read you palm

It say anyone who tries Ortiz is promise a gruesome death

Dude's the best hacksaw my calves off I wouldn't lose a step

So yeah play nuts like sprem I never keep and I burn you

Then I will earn you like a check

Have your new album turn into a cassette

Then make the price go down per cassette like a percocet

This beat ain't even murdered yet

But man it's taking a beating like Ike when Tina Turner left

I usually ain't this cocky but a lot of ends

It's made me more cocky like a body cleanse

Now all my mami's muy bien when they body bend

I lift they Red Sox then I slide the Big Papi in

I probably got my joint licked in every lobby in Brooklyn

They ain't looking like my balls too también

I'm a fly fella, I might stop mid verse book a flight

And write the rest in La Bella

I'm always gone, my homies call me Mr. November

You running round telling stories Mr. Novella

And it's looking like a cold winter

Slaughterhouse just remember, diss a member you get dismembered

I hope y'all got something to spit about

Hip-hop's a over-packed club and Marshall and them will get em out

Yeah wait but I ain't done though nah this is fun yo

Beye sshe blah blah blah blah blah

That's my speaking in tongues flow

Beye sshe blah blah la alal alal a

While that's be eating her buns though

Bumpin' H-Town like a Bun show

I'm a super freak run hoe

Before I take a R. Kelly super duper leak one your done toes

Sometimes when they lay out the beat, I just play y'all can see

But it's mythology you ever say y'all was me

'Cause y'all only get it cracking

I get Kraken like I came out the sea

I laugh when you say y'all compete

'Cause y'all like paraplegic meat, ain't hard to beat

Fam trust me y'all can't touch me

I let my Penn State that to all you Sandusky's