If the television licence man comes at a quarter to three

And fictionalized characters are becoming a reality

And the Channel 4 woman tries to spring a survey on me

What do think of Diverse Reports?

What do you think of ITV?

And you can stand back one to ten

And see, you, and it’s getting to me

And if you walk five miles just to see

Emergency Only and it’s getting to me

If the TV detector van comes at a quarter to four

And you try to explain you were just on your way out the door

And the church hall woman tries to spring a survey on me

What do you think of MORI-polls?

What do you think of Billy Cosby?

And you can stand back one to ten

And see, and you should know better, and it’s getting to me

And if you walk five miles just to see

Emergency Only, and it’s getting to me

Think of yourself with an old age pension

Scares the hell out of me not to mention

Genocide, homicide, five-a-side, suicide

Matricide, pesticide, law-abide, woe-betide