[Verse 1]

How long as it been since I felt a girl close to me

How many nights so alone that I could not fucking sleep

How much time have I spent on these bullshit apps

Thinking, who knows if I get lucky, just maybe, perhaps

How many times have I updated my fucking dating profile

Trying so hard to make it right, and give off a good vibe

Do I have any pictures where I do not look like a total turd?

Okay let’s try this one, maybe the angle will work

How do I get any matches?

Why is there not even a message?

What’s up with this app, does it work, is it broke?

Am I really that much unappealing as a bloke?

I can’t fucking figure out why nobody would text me

I’m not even that picky, it’s not so hard to impress me

I made a normal profile, nothing too out of place

I’m refraining from saying “can you sit on my face?”

I’m not going for only young ones, I searched the whole range

But didn’t match not even just once, this is something quite strange

I mean, really? Does nobody here like me?

Is there nobody really that might even just fuck me?

There’s people everywhere just getting it on

And then there is me, who is clearly not

[Chorus]

I can’t believe it, it’s absurd / that nobody would fuck me

Eight billion people on this Earth / but nobody would fuck me

My school is always full of girls / and none of them would fuck me

Everywhere lonely ladies hurt / yet nobody would fuck me

Troops of chicks in miniskirt / who would never ever fuck me

Longing the action they deserve / but they’d never ever fuck me

There’s even girls looking at porn / and none of them would ever fuck me

Wishing for something hard and warm / yet they would never fuck me

[Verse 2]

Okay so maybe doing it online is not the best way

There’s way too many guys, so I cannot get laid

Alright, let’s try in person, like our parents used to do

Before the internet was norm, before Google or Yahoo

There’s lots of girls in my school, looking actually quite good

Even a couple in my class, sitting just across the room

I can try, at break time, maybe start a casual chat

Maybe ask her how is it going, did you pass the last test?

Oh you’re waiting for your boyfriend? Oh, no, yeah, that’s fine

I was just leaving anyway, I gotta go and check the… tur..bine..??

What the fuck am I saying!? Oh my god that was embarrassing!

But you actually know what? I’m gonna go to a party on Saturday

I barely know the guys, but they said that I could join

So I wait for the weekend, and I show up at the joint

Lots of girls in this big house, let’s try to go and socialize

Feel like I’m playing cat and mouse, hope I don’t sleep alone tonight

Or even if I do, it’s okay if I can just meet someone nice

So I sit next to this girl, tryin’ to talk and break the ice

So… how do you know the birthday guy? Oh you are his girlfriend?

Ohh whatta fuck, this shit again?

I gotta find somebody single before the night comes to an end

There’s gotta be somebody here without a fucking boyfriend

Oh! This girl standing alone, looking really really cute

I’ve seen nobody talk to her, she might not have a dude

So… hi, how’s it going? Wow, this party, having fun?

She say “nah, not really, I’m just gonna go outside”

I say why, something wrong? you don’t seem like you’re alright

“Yeah, to be honest, I would like someone tonight”

I’m like oh shit, this is it! She’s feeling lonely just like me

She needs somebody now and that’s somebody I can be!

So I say, well you know, I am thinking just the same

Let’s go get a midnight snack, yeah this party is kinda lame

“Well, no thank you, I’m gonna try to find me a guy”

I’m like, uh? I’m right here, I can stay if you don’t mind

But then she turned, and went away

And I was left just hanging there

Couldn’t even ask her name, or say goodbye

But I felt a warm tear… falling down from my eye

[Chorus]

I can’t believe it, it’s absurd / that nobody would fuck me

Eight billion people on this Earth / but nobody would fuck me

My school is always full of girls / and none of them would fuck me

Everywhere lonely ladies hurt / yet nobody would fuck me

Troops of chicks in miniskirt / who would never ever fuck me

Longing the action they deserve / but they’d never ever fuck me

There’s even girls looking at porn / and none of them would ever fuck me

Wishing for something hard and warm / yet they would never fuck me

[Bridge]

Nobody would fuck me, nobody would fuck me

I think I’m gonna die of this loneliness and sadness

Nobody would fuck me, nobody would fuck me

Might as well just fucking die just to stop this fucking madness

[Chorus]

I can’t believe it, it’s absurd / that nobody would fuck me

Eight billion people on this Earth / but nobody would fuck me

My school is always full of girls / and none of them would fuck me

Everywhere lonely ladies hurt / yet nobody would fuck me

Troops of chicks in miniskirt / who would never ever fuck me

Longing the action they deserve / but they’d never ever fuck me

There’s even girls looking at porn / and none of them would ever fuck me

Wishing for something hard and warm / yet they would never fuck me