They say to succeed you gotta sell your soul

I won’t sell mine but I will bare it whole

I’ll paint a picture of the winter cold

Like my heart, blood flow slowed

Like a river froze, it’s an overdose

You can’t control what you can’t hold

They’ll laugh at me, hate me like the snow

Then cry with hearts broke when I go

With the Reaper hanging over my pillow

If I take his hand, true colours show

Fake tears from those I barely know

But where the fuck were they when I was hooked on coke?

That’s not a rhetorical question

I want answers to why nobody intervened for my protection when I treated years as a single binging session

Why they ain’t support me now I got my shit together

Am I damned forever, was it pointless getting better?

Is that why I stood alone in court and home

As he walked without the fetters

Probation period almost over for him

Did he even suffer for his sin?

While I’m struggling, to stay strong

To tell the truth I didn’t win

His confession was the closest thing

Bet you never been a victim then cross examined in the box of witnessing

Soon PTSD had grips of me

A crisis of identity

I almost completely lost myself

Voices in my head and talking to the walls

From a strangers peripheral

No longer no ones confidant or beckon call

Friendless sack of shit, on my knees I fall

Yet I pulled myself from the dirt after all

I remember times I’d bounce around the park

D.S.S. buying beers from me

The white boy just got served, then I’d serve some rhymes grotesque and damn absurd

Then there was my gang, L.T.H. and all The Cunts

Life was an abandoned factory, spliffs and wine

Pocket money we would splurge

Chanting over funny bars, we listened, we was heard

Loyalty was more important than the drugs

Water was as thick as blood

Til the fucking dreams died

It seemed our youth was ending

Everyone too tough to cry

But sadness hit us all, there’s no pretending

Everyone went their separate ways

But the drinking and the drugs stayed

Suddenly the problems started

Addiction took me over, I didn’t think we’d need to quit, we never thought of closure

Always thought I’d succeed before I’d gotten older

God the times that I missed and I miss

Spraying Lynx and eating Salt and Vinegar crisps to hide the fact we’d been smoking hits

When we talk to our folks

The old girlfriends with which we’d dream of silly shit like kids

Mad to think I’ll be a Father soon, it’s scary how fucking real it is

How much life has changed

I’m finally in a relationship, I know how to maintain

Scary thinking of the domestics and the pain

Between myself and my ex, it’s such a fucking shame

I feel sorry everyday for the way we placed the blame

On each other every time our hatred tamed

When we finished screaming in our faces

And punching the walls behind, empty expressions and broken vases

The truth that was lies in our paranoid minds

Suddenly you’re belittling my lines

And I’m bout to quit

Abuse won’t have me defined

This fucking rap scene is mine

Watch me succeed as the true me unwinds