I had a notion of leaving it all

I had a notion that we needed this out in the open and that we needed to talk

Like it wasn't working the way that it was

So, city mouse out in the hay barn now

What do you fill your little hours with worry about?

Your city hums at a distance and it aches you

Persistent wondering who you are now all you were burned away with the apartment

Who are you now?

And who am I to ask of the do's and don'ts?

All of your fears and your wants

All the things you've had that have slipped away

All the things that you crave

And pain contains some of the hope you made

The days when you believed in yourself

Will they ever come home again?

Who is it that I am?

What is it that I see?

Where is it that I lay my head at night

And why is it that I still can't seem to sleep?

When is it that I'll feel how I want?

How can I trust time to heal me when I feel so broken?

Feel it all coming back again

Pick my ass up off the floor

Look myself in a mirror and make decisions to become a kinder person

Put surprise in my days again

It's on me and on track to be happy sitting at home and in silence

And in my silence I feel anxious and awful and uncertain

But in my silence, I see it's not my emotions but my decisions that shape me

It feels insane that in my darkness and grief I'd feel celebratory

Learning to laugh again feels like I'm alive again and it's fucking lovely