Man, it was all a dream that I held in my hands like an infant

That I held in my hands like a compass made of water in the desert where I wander

Come and watch how well I can play "house"

I understand your life is harder now

I understand that things have changed

I want to be the light inside of your heart

Like you want, like you remember

Like the light that I was when I knew you in 2014

And I felt it

Your conscience conceiving the notion that I could adore you rip into pieces

And like confetti fall underneath my mic stand and under my closed door

And I just shut down and walked away

I walked away and abandoned you

And it haunts me

I felt it

The notion that I could be healing and that it'd be worth it erupt

Like hope or like fireworks

Something that I couldn't quite put my finger on

But I knew then that I needed quiet

And it washed over me

The feeling that some bad people don't deserve second chances

That if you add up all my days I'm not worth the forgiveness

But I still stagger out with a white flag raised high in case you'd still take me alive

I spent my money on matches so now I'm totally loaded

Orphan of convenience all alone in the snow

I looked up and saw hope

I didn't think that I'd need it

It seemed so easy to set my soul on fire completely

But I panic

Water fills my lungs as I sink in the river of my thoughts

Deep in the jungles of what I wanted for myself

If I'm honest

Failure fathers better than most

It's a simple equation

Who knows me better than the ways that I fail myself?