[Spoken Interlude 1: Ryder Thomas]
Now, I always look up at my dad, y'know
On the couch watching football
Drinking a Budweiser, you know? That whole thing
You know what? I always wanted to be like him
So, I went to the gas station the other day
And I asked him, "Hey, dude, do you have any Budweisers?"
And he said, "Uh, sorry, dude, I don't sell alcohol to minors"
T-That's pretty dumb, so, I went– So, I looked around
Then I saw this thing called, "Mild Budget Root Beer"
And then I gave it him and said, "This one?"
He said, "Sure"
So, I handed– you know, all the cool kids
The kids will probably find me cool if I drink this stuff
Hope– So, tonight, I'm gonna– I buy a bunch of bottles(?)
And, tonight, I'm gonna attempt to get drunk off them
Because, y'know, cool stuff, I don't have anything better to do
[Instrumental]
[Spoken Interlude 2: Ryder Thomas]
So, update: so far, I'm drunk
I drinked, like, 6 of them and not drunk at all
I just feel pretty strict on my teeth
I decided to go back with my [?] and tried to get a bunch more
Didn't decide to get a bunch more;
I kinda had to go a little bit more budgety
So, I found this new brand, like, "Joe's Ultra Budget Root Beer"
And there's a little disclaim on the front
It said, "Warning: may or may not contain rat poison"
I mean, eh, what– what are you gonna do about it?
Whatever, it tastes good
So, I bought, like, 20 of them
And... just to see if that'd get me drunk
So, I'll give you– I'll keep you guys updated if I–
If I do, and if I don't... oh– oh, well
[Instrumental]
[Spoken Interlude 3: Ryder Thomas]
*coughs* An update: *coughs* not feeling too well
Is this what being dru– drunk feels like?
*coughs* It's like– *coughs* Help! *continues coughing*
So, uh, I drinked like 20 of.. like, 20 of them
To put them all into the truck and drink it
I mean, if it would fit in, like– if it–
If I get, like, the [?], oh– oh, wow
*continues coughing*
So, tell the kids at school, that I– *coughs*
[Instrumental]
[Spoken Outro: Ryder Thomas]
Hey, son, how's it in your deathbed?
Unfortunately, you're gonna die this soon
Uh, I'm trying to let you know–
Just to let you know: you had a good life
(Well, I got de– I got drunk)
Oh, son, you got drunk? I'm proud of you
Have a good– have a good life in the afterlife, though