[Verse 1]

I met with Lord Cholmondeley on the train to Woolfardisworthy

His brow it was furrowed with gravest concern

For he'd had to cut short his holiday in Costessey

To see his urologist, a doctor named Cockburn

We were joined by Lord Worcester, a right bantam rooster

Who'd just been in Barnoldswick at his country estate

But the weather turned drizzly and his houseguest, Earl Wriothesley

Just wouldn't leave, so he made his escape

[Chorus]

From Aslackby to Osbournby

From Leominster to Godmanchester to Lympne

You mustn't assume you can say what you see

Or you might end up feeling quite dim!

For in Ulgham the locals say Ulgham

To the natives of Blidworth it's Blidworth

Any British name could bring you to shame

For it just might be a shibboleth

[Verse 2]

At Stivichall, Lord Cholmondeley took leave to withdraw

To a wagon-lit carriage, in hopes of some sleep

We were then joined at Ratlinghope by old Lady Fetherstonhaugh

As well as the grandson of Samuel Pepys

Then soon, Robert Maugham waltzed in with aplomb

As he travelled from Puncknowle to Wybunbury

Lady Sarah Dalziel, dressed all in pastel

Was bound for her uncle's in Trottiscliffe

[Chorus]

From Aslackby to Osbournby

From Leominster to Godmanchester to Lympne

You mustn't assume you can say what you see

Or you might end up feeling quite dim!

For in Ulgham the locals say Ulgham

To the natives of Blidworth it's Blidworth

Any British name could bring you to shame

For it just might be a shibboleth

[Chorus]

From Aslackby to Osbournby

From Leominster to Godmanchester to Lympne

You mustn't assume you can say what you see

Or you might end up feeling quite dim!

For in Ulgham the locals say Ulgham

To the natives of Blidworth it's Blidworth

Any British name could bring you to shame

For it just might be a shibboleth