[Chorus]

No, nothin', no, nothin'

I know nothin' and you know nothin'

They know nothin' and we know nothin'

No, nothin' at all

[Verse 1]

I got two pet cats at home

One of them's name is Muffin

Muffin is a really, really good cat

She just sits in the windowsill all day long

Soaking up the sun and purring like this:

Pththththththth

When she licks your finger

It feels like sandpaper

Yeah, she's the archetypal cat

But I got another cat

And his name is Nothing

It's not that he doesn't have a name

It's spelled N-O-T-H-I-N-G

Sometimes I spell it N-O-T-H-I-N

Then I add an apostrophe

[Chorus]

No, nothin', no, nothin'

I know nothin' and you know nothin'

They know nothin' and we know nothin'

No, nothin' at all

[Verse 2]

Now as I said Muffin is pretty well behaved

But Nothing, man, he's totally dеpraved

The other day I camе home

And he was climbing halfway up my window curtain

And he was reaching out with his paw

And his claw was treacherously close

To the Chagall lithograph I inherited from my grandma

And when I saw his paw and his claw I said, "No!"

[Chorus]

No, nothin', no, nothin'

I know nothin' and you know nothin'

They know nothin' and we know nothin'

No, nothin' at all

[Verse 3]

I also got a pet monkey at home

And his name is Kqxhc

That's spelled K-Q-X-H-C

He was raised by ducks

His mama was a duck

And his papa was a duck

It came time to raise him

All they could come up with was Kqxhc

Now he's come to live with me

Well that's another story, entirely

Suffice it to say that Kqxhc

Is a very, very, very, very hungry monkey

The other day Kqxhc woke up and he said, "Aah-aah ooh-ooh aah, I want a muffin"

I said, "What? You wanna eat the cat?

Now, we got rules against things like that here"

And Kqxhc said, "I-I-I didn't mean Muffin the cat

I-I-I-I meant like a bran muffin or maybe a corn muffin, or

Or even a blue-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oohberry muffin"

I said, "What do you think this is, Muffin Delight?

We don't just got all varieties of muffins sittin' around for the taking"

So Kqxhc said, "W-well whaddya got in the fridge?"

And I opened it, and you know what was in there?

A box of baking soda left over from the previous tenant

And an old crusty bottle of ketchup, some soy sauce and hot mustard and a few duck sauces

Well the sight of this duck sauce upset Kqxhc

And he said, "W-w-what's with the duck sauce?

Hey, w-where are my folks anyway?"

And I said, "No, no, Kqxhc, it's not like that at all

You see, the duck sauce is just from the Chinese place that we get stuff delivered from all the time

I tell 'em not to gimme sauce, I said I don't really use it

But they don't understand and they keep sendin' more sauce over here

And I feel bad throwing it away, I don't want to waste food!

So it just keeps pilin' up in the fridge

It has nothin' to do with ducks at all!"

Kqxhc wasn't buyin' it, and he said

"Ooh-I-I'm not hungry, I think I lost my appeti-i

I-I'll just have nothing"

And I said, "What?!

You're not even hungry

And, and now you want to eat Nothing, my other cat?

Look, just 'cause he's kinda depraved

And not as well behaved as Muffin

Doesn't mean you can eat him!"

And Kqxhc said, "Aah-aah-ooh n-n-no, I didn't mean Nothing the cat

I-I-I-I meant

N-nothin' at all!"

[Chorus]

No, nothin', no, nothin'

I know nothin' and you know nothin'

They know nothin' and we know nothin'

No, nothin' at all

No, nothin', nah-nah-nah-no nothin'

And you nah-nah-nah-nam-ma-nam-ma-know nothin'

And he know nothin' and she know nothin'

No, nothin' at all