WHENEVER I SEE SOMEONE

WHO’S UGLIER THAN ME…

WHO’S DULLER AND OR DUMBER

THAN I COULD EVER BE…

I SAY, “HEY, BAYONETTA

WHAT’S ONE THING YOU COULD DO

TO MAKE THIS HAPLESS HALFWIT

HALF AS AFFABLE AS YOU?”

DON’T BATHE IN BAKED BEANS

WASH YOUR HAIR IN DAIRY-FREE SHAMPOO

GARGLING SARDINES

ISN’T SOMETHING I’D SUGGEST YOU DO

IF YOU FOLLOW MY ADVICE

YOU MAY START TO SMELL, WELL, NICE

YOU’LL HAVE FOLKS THINKING

THAT YOU’RE WICKED STINKING COOL!

BUY SOME CHIC NEW CLOTHES

ONES YOU DIDN’T PICK OUT FROM THE TRASH…

LET’S DISPOSE OF THOSE

IF YOU EVER HOPE TO BE IN SMASH

NO ONE’S DAZZLED BY YOUR GUT

OR BALLOONS FILLED BY YOUR BUTT…

JUST DISPENSE WITH THESE

AND YOU’LL BE WICKED COOL

"Will that innately

Make men date me?"

LET’S GET YOU SOMETHING SLIM AND SLINKY!

DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE A LITTLE KINKY…

THIS FROCK?

-NO

THIS HAT?

-NO

THIS RAG?

-I THINK WE

CAN FIND YOU A FIT THAT’S JUST A LITTLE LESS STINKY…

"And undies that make my cake look more like a Twinkie!"

SKINCARE GETS YOU BY

CAKING ON SOME MAKEUP TENDS TO HELP…

SKIP THE MAGGOT PIE-

MAYBE TRY SURVIVING ON SOME KELP…

YES, YOU’RE DEFINITELY A MESS

ALMOST HOPELESS, I CONFESS

BUT YOU’LL BE SLAYING-

-THAT’S A SAYING FOR BEING COOL

YOU’LL BE AN ABSOLUTE BELLE

AND STRAIGHT UP, DOWNRIGHT SWELL!

YOU’LL BE SO-

"Popular?"

-WELL…

YOU’LL HAVE MEN UNDER YOUR SPELL!

"…Figuratively…"

YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN TRUST ME

YOUR BUSTY, ONLY FRIEND

TO HELP YOU STICK YOUR CHEST OUT

WHILE FLAUNTING YOUR REAR END…

I WON’T DISMISS MY MISSION

TO TAKE THIS SLOPPY SOUL

AND TURN HER INTO SOMEONE

SOMEONE SOMEDAY MAY EXTOL…

POINTY HATS ARE OUT

RIDING ON A BROOM IS SO BLASÉ…

PLEASE DON’T PICK YOUR SNOUT-

ONCE YOU FOLLOW EVERY WORD I SAY

GIRL, THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO

WHEN YOU’RE NOT… BEING YOU…

YOU’RE GONNA BE ADORED! RESPECTED!

INFREQUENTLY ABHORRED! REJECTED!

GUARANTEED TO BE

UBER-SUPER-DUPER

FRICKEN WICKED COOL!

(YOU’RE WICKED…)

(YOU’RE WICKED…)

(YOU’RE WICKED…)

(YOU’RE WICKED…)

(COOL!)

STRICTLY WICKED COOL!