[Verse 1]

Granny and Grandpa

Won’t you go away

Please find somewhere else

To spend your holiday

Granny looks livid

Grandpa’s got his cane

Now my Christmas spirit’s

Going down the drain

[Pre-Chorus 1]

Nowhere is safe to hide

Maybe I could jack their ride

Where do we keep spare fuel

Why does it smell like stool?

[Chorus 1]

If I want to outrun Granny

There’s a couple things I need

Like a taser and some ammo

And a shotgun, yes indeed

All the doors are super squeaky

And the floors are creaky, too

So I’d best be extra sneaky

Or else- “I SEE YOU!”

[Verse 2]

Granny is lurking

Grandpa, where you at?

Granny’s gonna kill me with

A baseball bat

Into the closet

Better hold my breath

Something stinks to heaven

Like Depends and death

[Pre-Chorus 2]

Just three more things to find

Nothing to hide behind

Moving so silently

This may end violently

[Chorus 2]

There’s no chance of me escaping

If I can’t repair this car

But its pieces are all missing

And I don’t know where they are

Grandpa’s shambling through the pantry

And I know just what he’ll do

First he’ll trap me and start screaming

At me- “I SEE YOU!”

“I SEE YOU!”

“I SEE YOU!”

[Verse 3]

Grandpa’s unconscious

That’s all right with me

Hope he isn’t angry

That I took his key

Where is the spark plug

What’s it even do

Maybe I could call an Uber-

“I SEE YOU!”

[Pre-Chorus 3]

One fewer foe at least

Grandpa’s a straight-up beast

Where did my shotgun go?

Odds of survival, low

[Chorus 3]

I hear Granny’s soggy footsteps

And the thump of Grandpa’s boots

I smell Granny’s rotten perfume

And the funk of Grandpa’s toots

If I do not find the spark plug

Then I can’t escape this house

I’ll get beat to death by Granny

And her evil, undead spouse

Then they’ll cook me and they’ll eat me

Or they’ll feed me to their child

Or the pets and hungry monsters

In their basement running wild

[Outro]

If this turns the engine over

Then I’ll bid them both adieu

Sayonara, smell you later

Say goodbye, cause I see you