Ralph: The itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again

(pounding sound)

Ralph: What's that sound? Sounds big!

Everybody go "SO BIG!"

Children: "SO BIG!"

Ralph: Well, parking his Harley Davidson in the alley behind the garage

Wearing a black leather biker jacket with a tattoo of a fly on his arm

And a tattoo of a fly on his other arm

And a tattoo of a fly on his other arm

And a tattoo that said "Mom" on the other arm

It was the great big hairy spider. And you know what happened?

Children: What?

Ralph: The great big hairy spider went up the waterspout

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

And the great big hairy spider went up the spout again

(Tiny sounds)

Ralph: What's that sound? Sounds tiny!

Everybody go "shhhh" for the baby!

Children: "Shhhh"

Ralph: Well, peering out from under a leaf in the backyard

So small you could barely see her

Wearing a size XXXXXXXXXX-small Old Town School of Folk Music T-shirt

Was the teensy weensy spider. And you know what happened?

Children: "What?"

Ralph: The teensy weensy spider went up the waterspout

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

And the teensy weensy spider went up the spout again

And you know what that song is about?

EXISTENTIALISM

Children: "Existentialism..."

Ralph: Yeah! Big spider - little spider - They go up the spout

They get washed down - They gotta do it again!

That's existentialism!

Children: "Exi-sen-al...midgem" (laughter) "Can you say that again, Ralph?"

Repeat Chorus