I saw the light and thought that I knew the dark

A torch within the night; the flame hurting the soul

With my complacent ignorance I go and boast

Preaching when silence mattered yet I held my tongue

Where was your fucking wisdom?

I'm just another false clairvoyant

And all I could see here was visions of smoke

A blinding need to surrender

Anything to appease; Anything they approve

Lost myself in delusions of grandeur

So why does it take suffering

To make me see who I had been

So why does it take suffering

To change for better or for worse

And when I turn the page back

It's clear to see the maggots swimming in their own blood

Projecting their fears, their insecurities

Trying to hide insecurity in mysticism

When I saw drug addiction being glorified as

These sick pedophilic bastards were holding me up

I didn't understand how close I was to the sun

Focusing on their attention rather than intention

Wanting to drink robotusin and melt paper on my tongue

Heedless to the light

And all they can see is the walls that I hold

The months go by with my silence

I really hope that they know that I care for their soul

But all my withdrawal is from

MDD and other things

That I never got to sit and unpack

My trauma's satiating eating me whole

And all I can do is smile and wave goodbye

Why do I let my pain keep me in captivity

Yet I open the door for people who always hinder me

Everybody has a thing they hide from subconsciously

I just didn't think it would be so hard to see

I'm tired of running from my own fate

I'm sick of this whole act of piety

I was friends with some monsters

What does that make me?

I was friends with some monsters

What does that make me?

What does that make me?

Because misery loves company

And all I can see is that vision of smoke

The feeling I thought I surrended

Lost within the primal need to survive

I live each day feeling more dead inside

And I find again

That these roads all lead to isolation

And I beg and plead and claw my eyes and ears til' they bleed

Just to have a bit more isolation

So I beg and beg and plead for all the world to see that I'm

Not as heedless as I was

So I'm not better this time

But I'm as good as I ever was

So I hope I'll be alright

I hope I'll be alright

And it's all uncertain now

Because I cannot feel anymore heedlessness

That ignorance was bliss

But it's something I don't miss