[Verse 1]
The alarm goes off at five-fifteen, the sky's still black
He’s lacing up his cycling shoes, got reflectors on his back
While we’re still in bed complaining about the wave-particle duality
He’s already fighting headwinds and the forces of reality
[Pre-Chorus]
Rain or shine, sleet or snow
Negative gradient, he will go
Uphill both ways, that’s the myth
But with him it’s kinda true though
[Chorus]
Mr. Wolosz rolls in, helmet slightly askew
Fourteen miles of ride just to torture me and you
With a coffee in the bottle cage and chaos in his soul
He’s here to make us calculate why nothing ever rolls
Ohhh, Mr. Wolosz rolls in
The only man who bikes harder than he grades Paper 2
(Th-th-tho, tho-tho-tho, th-th-th-tho)
(Though I might be cooked)
[Verse 2]
He flies past cars in traffic (Downtown)
Doppler effect in real time (Woah)
Red-shift as he leaves them
Blue-shift when he arrives on the line (Woah-oh)
Chain slicker than our excuses, (Ohh)
Gears shifting like our mood (Ohhh)
When he walks in sweating Newton
We know we’re totally screwed
[Bridge]
He says, “Potential energy? Boys, that’s just height mg
But convert your breakfast to kinetic or you’ll fail IB!”
We whine about the 7, he just laughs and clips back in
Life’s a non-inertial reference frame, deal with the fictitious spin!
So quit your whining, do the math, and lock right in!
[Chorus]
Mr. Wolosz rolls in, panniers full of past papers
Tells us torque is r cross F while he tightens up his capers
Mud on his calves like contour lines of equal suffering (Suffering)
He’s the only teacher living what the syllabus is buffering
Ohhh, Mr. Wolosz rolls in
If physics is a bicycle, then he’s the one who built the thing!
[Final Verse]
One day we’ll graduate, forget the formulas, move on
But we’ll still tell the story of the man who cycled on
Through storms and exams and teenage despair so clinical
He proved every morning: F net equals ma
It's still a miracle