Project 7 - Intellectual

Wrapped in my shell, sitting in a motel

'Quila floods the room, with that potent liquor smell

Crying cause my girl won't pick up her cell

Probably fuckin' w a dude named miguel

Something 'long the lines of alcoholic heartbreak

Sitting on a road pounding beers in some sparse shade

Scrapping pennies like my momma on the pavement roadway

The pain keeps coming back, but the percs just come my way

Sippin lean, like some punch on a Monday

Check the pantry, see its empty, hide or runaway

Shameful rap todays got us faking pain

Or maybe just me, guess we dont play the same games

Cause that shits not real that's not how I feel

It's a false interpretation of my own ordeals

I never had a struggle for my meals or automobiles

Just conceal, avoid emotion healing or reveals

How can I relate these rhymes when noone I relate to

Talentless enough to suck at even trying fake moves

I might have the passion yet not enough to hate you

I'll just spit some bars without knowing I relate to you

See that's the issue, I have with making some impressive

Gotta rap your rhymes with your soul behind the message

But I lose my soul, I feel too young to preach the lesson

I write the art delete the bars then fall into depression

But it turns me to aggression

Drug abuse I lose control and blamed it on the session

Driving home alone and high got me second guessing

Should I quit or shouldn't test it

Could you ask another question help me ease a brothers tension

Could you take me back, back before I was a man

Literally a little me only want to be a man

Give it time you'll understand, little Xan

You'll grow to be adult so be a child for as long as you can

Before my world in politics when my joy was lego bricks

And making forts of sticks, tin in the pennsylvania sticks

When my only care were kicks, and only jokes were the shits

I was the shit back in my elementary christian bits

Await my first heartbreak, followed by its stitches

I call it growth, my therapist just sits and dismisses

While I reminisce 'bout the harder times without our riches

When our meals were hearty warm PB pickle sandwhiches

And eating sickly sections off a block of mild cheddar

Till my dad assessed his life, his debtors, his wife regret her

Serve him with a letter, down the liquor, marriage in the shredder

Take me back before the split the noise was so much better

The yelling from my mom and dad I know I'm gonna miss it

Even though I waste my b-day wishes tryna fix it

A family's just a group of broken pieces in a mixer

If my sisters pass, then I will pass, the only one that listened

Wrapped in my shell like a butterfly from hell

Livin' through this drama, pray my scars heal well

I'm a side character a movie wouldn't sell

The trauma and backstory got me rapping out my shell

I'm grateful for my moms and my pops and my siblings

I'm grateful for my dogs and my grandpa for fishing

My friends put joy behind my thoughts without them it'd be crippling

I'm thankful for them all since the very beginning

I'm grateful for every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving

Spending them with you's been a godamn blessing

Scorch the Earth for you if you wound up missing

I thank you all for taking time, sitting and listening