[Verse 1]

I have scars on my hands;

They remind me

What life was like being a dishonest man

The harm you can bring

I deserve what this darkness brings

If August sings

I’ll forget the next few months and all the things

Ironic I am not Summer I’m the Fall of Kings

Thought I was Jupiter -- but I’m the smaller rings

[Verse 2]

Fuck my throne

Never been to Rome but I roam alone

Voices in my head are my Calvary

But physically I rode alone (uh-huh)

(but) It’s modern, so I got a mobile phone

To alter my vocal tone

And avoid my subconscious

So I cope alone

But I’m hopeful though, (That’s what I will tell you)

[Verse 3]

But truth be told

My knees grow old

And although I am young I need to know

Why I mow this lawn of despair but the weeds still grow?

I tell you I don’t need you yo'

I’m feeble though

And protect my secrets behind walls so tall

But I kinda wish they see-through walls

[Chorus]

Got a past I’m not proud of

Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it

Fuck anxiety and depression

I could be surrounded

By one-hundred-thousand

People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning

Got a past I’m not proud of

Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it

Fuck anxiety and depression

I could be surrounded

By one-hundred-thousand

People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning

[Verse 4]

I believe in love

I didn’t once

But I fear being with a woman 'cause I feel bad if she falls in love with a man who sometimes doesn’t want to leave his house for months

Irrational thoughts over swarm

My brain and absorb like a sponge

I don’t have enough

Energy to meet you for lunch

Even though I'd really like to see you a bunch

[Verse 5]

It’s a paradox

You see this happiness

But I’m sad a lot

Unhappy voices tattle a lot

Like a snake with an amplified rattle -- no matter how hard I fought

That snaked adapted, constricted my movements and now I’m caught

And I ought to end it all

At least in a fucked up way it brings me the only happy thought

[Verse 6]

Another happy thought is having no thoughts

This plane is crashing down and I won't report

It on a radio that only works for you

Or press the button to abort

[Verse 7]

When I was a child

I built a fort

With a rag on a fork

Like a flag on a resort

How I felt so high and fell so short

Prisoner to my self rapport

[Chorus]

Got a past I’m not proud of

Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it

Fuck anxiety and depression

I could be surrounded

By one-hundred-thousand

People and feel I’m the only one that’s drowning

Got a past I’m not proud of

Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it

Fuck anxiety and depression

I could be surrounded

By one-hundred-thousand

People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning

[Verse 8]

I think about my grave

I’d like to dig it myself with a spoon

I’d like to choose my music too

Put it on mute to reduce the tune

Bury me with no casket with silk draped around myself like a cocoon

With a seed to grow a tree

So my sins are attuned

Finally, perhaps I’ll be of some use

[Verse 9]

Then I think:

I’ve been happy before

Why? Can I be happy again?

I wrote this song and I reached out to friends

Shout out to them

This song is near to the end

[Verse 10]

But at least my life isn’t

I made the right decision

To my younger self: Fight within him

Despite collisions

Which will incite division

Focus on bright visions

Of you smiling with no balloon

[Verse 11]

I'm always holding your hand, too

No folding in this game or allow it control over you

Despite this, younger self, I miss you my dude

Thanks to you, I’m standing here too

Waiting for you

To prove you got too much to lose

You can’t even say I don’t understand

Because little man I’ve been in your shoes (literally)

[Chorus]

Got a past I’m not proud of

Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it

Fuck anxiety and depression

I could be surrounded

By one-hundred-thousand

People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning

Got a past I’m not proud of

Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it

Fuck anxiety and depression

I could be surrounded

By one-hundred-thousand

People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning