[Verse 1]

I never lost my self control

'Til a bit of Jamie stole my soul

Waterboarded in a wallet dry

Now I'm sleepin' in the street

On the curb, kick up my feet

Thing that came from up on high

[Chorus]

The thing from Jupiler gets kicks

Doin' the Mambo #6

The thing from Jupiler gets kicks

Mambo #6

[Verse 2]

A little bit of Tito by myself

A little bit of Hendrick all alone

A little bit of Evan 'til I'm too smashed to drive home

[Chorus]

I used to function at 4G

After seven-hundred hours free

I'm an AOL free trial CD

Scratched up, can't read!

[Verse 3]

I drink a whiskey drink

I drink a vodka drink

I sing the songs that remind me of the bad times

'Cause everything reminds me of the bad times, baby!

[Chorus]

I used to function at 4G

After seven-hundred hours free

I'm an AOL free trial CD

Scratched up, can't read!

[Refrain]

Messages are pilin' up

And the dial-up is down

[Interlude]

[?]

Oh my God! Your name's Ariel and you're also an agent and totally not a forty-two year old guy named Tony that wants my address because I'm on a road trip with my dad [?] through his rearview mirror?

Sure, I can forward you my mom's social!

[Chorus]

I used to function at 4G

After seven-hundred hours free

I'm an AOL free trial CD

Scratched up, can't read!

[Refrain]

Messages are pilin' up

And the dial-up is down

[Bridge]

Dale a tu cuerpo, alegría Macarena

Dale a tu cuerpo, alegría Macarena

[Refrain]

Messages are pilin' up

And the dial-up is down

And I left my Limewire running to get

Mellencamp's Small Town

[Outro]

Ah!

I can't read!