[Narrator: Peanuts]

Alright, so there's this guy, right?, and his name’s Christopher Clementine, and his dad died, and, uh, he left him a bunch of money, and his dad always loved to watch fucking movies with him, they had such a blast watching movies. And when his dad died, he left him all this, all this money right?

His life insurance policy, so he packed up everything that he had and he went to Hollywood, but when he was in Hollywood, all he tried to do was be the greatest fucking writer and movie director of all time, It wasn't so easy. He went all around fucking Hollywood and nobody liked his shit, they said he sucked, they said he was just ripping off Quentin Tarantino and all these motherfuckers man

So you know what he did, he was walking home one day after getting shit on, and he saw this guy named David Weinstein, and he said “Hey Weinstein”, Weinstein was wearing a robe, had his dick out flopping around eating a fuckin' donut, so he goes up to him and he’s like, “Yo man, I got this crazy idea for a movie, man”. And he goes, “Get the FUCK OUTTA HERE, KID!!!”

And he freaks out man, he goes home and on his way home he sees this super hot Australian chick, and this ho- hot Australian chick sh- she lives in apartment 2B, get it? To be or not be, is it his love?

I don't know, but he's too much of a pussy to talk to her. He's only got like, 2 grand left ‘cause it's been ten years since his dad died, and then he tells himself he's gonna create something special, something amazing. Now everybody's telling him tha-tha-that he can write man

You know they're saying “Look kid you got a heart, man, but your just biting everybody”, so you know what he does?, he goes to the fucking store, and then he comes back home, and he sits down in front of a Smith Corona Typewriter from the 1950’s and he says, “I’m gonna fucking sit here and I'm not going anywhere, until I finish, the greatest script of all fucking time”, right?

Because he loves to write movies about bank robberies, man. Fucking, the greatest fucking heist film of ALL TIME, alright?, so this dude sits down and he says “I’m not leaving til it's done”, but then he forgets he forgot that he forgot to get coffee at the fucking SUPER MAQUETTE! So you know what he does? He gets out, and then he goes in the fucking elevator, and he's on his way to the super maquette and that's when he sees, Penelope, the hot beautiful Australian from 2B or not to be

And she’s just standing there in the elevator smokin' fuckin' hot, huge tits, fat ass, perfect fucking face, man, and she's holding this box, man. And then, and then Christopher Clementine, that's the main characters name. He goes, “WHATS IN THE BOX!”. And she FREAKS OUT, then he- and she's like, “What the fuck are you talking about?”, and he's like “What's in the box?”

She's like, “What?”, and he's like "Brad Pitt, what's in the box?”

And she's like, “What the fuck are you talking about?”, and he's like “Seven, Brad Pitt”, and she goes “Oh my god I love Brad Pitt”, and he goes “I know, right?”, mind you, he would never talk to this chick before, he doesn't even know where he conjured the fucking, self esteem and the motivation to do it

But he left an impression. So he goes to the fucking Super Maquette and he comes back, and who does he see?, he sees Penelope. and he finds out, that she, loves film, and she came all the way from fucking Australia to be the biggest movie producer In the fucking universe, man

So it's like, it's like these u- it's like these like- PLANETS COLLIDED, MAN! And they, fucking start talking every day, and he can't believe her because she's so smokin' hot and her ass is fucking gigantic, right?, but it's not about that, it's also about emotion, and they fall in love man, they fall in love over the love of fucking film, bro, and he's like, “I wanna make this fucking great heist movie, but I can't"

And she's like, “Yes you can”, and Clementine is like, “How, Penelope?”, and Penelope's like, “Well, I fucking work in his office, so we're gonna find a time, for you to stroll right in that motherfucker”, so they figure it out. It's fucking D-Day, man. He opens, the fucking elevator doors, he gets up there, and he sneaks into Danny Weinstein's office

Danny Weinstein's immediately like, “Oh, its you again, get the fuck outta here”, and he's back TO SQUARE ONE!!, he's fucking back, so he's talking to Penelope, he's like, “I just wanna make the greatest bank robbery movie of, all time, how do we do it? You sexy ass motherfucking gorgeous woman.”

And Penelope goes, “I don't know, man, maybe we gotta do it ourself”, and he's like “Fuck that”

Finds out his address, he goes, to, Malibu, to see Danny Weinstein. There's a THOUSAND bitches on the beach, everyones doing cocaine. Weinstein robe is open, fucking small dick, going all over the place, he's fucking crazy, hopping around and shit, and he sees- he sees Christopher Clementine, he's sees the protagonist to this fucking story. And he's like, “What are ya doing, here?”, and he grabs a 357 magnum and puts it to the fucking temple of our protagonist

Then he says "If you don't get outta here I'm gonna fuckin' kill you!", and he says "You know what man, I'm already dead if I don't make this fuckin' movie bro", and he goes "ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'RE WILLING TO TAKE A BULLET OVER THIS STUPID SCRIPT?", and Clementine says "Yeah man, I don't got nothin' to lose man!" and for whatever reason Danny Weinstein likes this shit, it's fuckin' w- rope, flowin' in the breeze of the WIND, MAN!

Coke on his nostrils like fuckin' Neil Young, they had to edit that shit out in that one documentary, but that's- that's not- THAT'S NOT THE TIME OR PLACE RIGHT NOW!, so you know what he does?, he says "I'm gonna give you a shot", Weinstein says "I'm gonna give you a fuckin' chance, alright, I'm gonna read your pussy, fucked up, terrible ass script for some stupid ass heist movie, and, you come see me on Monday, and that's it, okay? Is that it? If you're- If I hate it, you're gonna leave me alone."

And Clementine goes "FUCK YEAH Man, I'll see you on the other side."

So Monday rolls around right, Clementine goes back he's in the office, and you know what Weinstein says?, he can't FUCKING BELIEVE IT MAN! Weinstein says "This, has gotta be the greatest, biggest, piece of SHIT I've ever read in my LIFE! Get the fuck outta my office, man, you gotta write from the heart, You gotta write something that's yours, you gotta write something that you need, base it on your own life, ya fuckin' asshole!"

Security kicks him out. He blows Penelope a kiss on his way being fucking jetted through the doors. He heads home and he says "You know what. We're gonna do it our way man. We gotta find some way."

But he just can't feel it so Penelope's like "Why not fuckin' use our own money." and he's like "Are you kiddin', this is gonna cost atleast six million dollars.", so he starts seein' private investors. Foreign investment. They shoot him down, everyone shoots him down, but his old lady man, she believes in him

Because it's to be. So what happens after this?, this sick fuck, Clementine, gets the idea to rob a bank, to fund, his movie about bank heists. GENIUS! Fuckin' genius!, so he's doin' all this like, back and forth right, he's fuckin figuring everything out, how to rob the bank, the ins and outs, who works where, the fuckin' manager of the bank, how many kids he's got, how many fuckin' security guards there are. How to get out of the there through the fuckin' sewer line, man, He's figurin' it ALL out, man!

So he plots the day, he's even got his girl, Penelope, and he's like "Listen, I-I-I-I want you to, help me write this scene, he tells her shits for a scene, but what he's really doin' is he's doing his own fucking RECONNAISSANCE, to blow this bitch's fuckin' ROOF OFF, and pay for this movie man!

So he's like "Alright, we're gonna go into this bank okay, uhm, really need nicknames, how about Bonnie and Clyde.", Penelope goes, "Okay cool, I'm Clyde.", Clementine goes, "What are you talking about, you're Bonnie!", and she says, "Motherfucker, it's 1995, a woman can be whatever she WANTS!"

And he says "Okay, I guess, but like, fuck that", so they play rock, paper, scissors, shoot, guess who loses?, BONNIE! I mean... Clementine!

So anyway, they're stakin' this fuckin' place out man, It's amazing, he's got all the ins and outs, he knows what he's gotta do, he picks the fuckin' day, now he tells his old lady, he says, "Listen, this shit right here, I- I- I gotta write all day, you gotta leave me alone", but she doesn't know, he's gettin' fuckin' guns, he's spending the last of money on black, fuckin' clothing, the day comes, he's in an alleyway, puts his fuckin ski mask over his face

Grabs his gun, gets ready to open up the doors, It's 9 AM, there's nobody there

But unbeknownst to him there's an unmarked van with 4 other guys in it

And they're like "Yo, that's our guy, what the fuck, why's he so late, why's he goin'?"

Clementine kicks the door open and just before he can say it, four other guys burst in and say "THIS IS A FUCKIN' BANK ROBBERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY", Clementine walks to the corner and says "Holy shit somebody's robbing the fuckin' bank man"

One of the guys looks at him and says, "Yeah we are dumbass let's fuckin' GOOO! WOOOOO! We got 90 seconds", So this number one guy right, they call him The King, Number 1, punches the teller in the face, it's just a skinny blonde bitch what the FUCK is wrong with this guy

And then he looks over at Clementine, our main man, and he says, "BELLBOY, DO YOUR JOB" and Clementine's like, "Bellboy, what the FUCK are you talkin' about"

So Number 3 says "BELLBOY, MAN THE DOOR!", cause everyone's got COOL FUCKIN' NICKNAMES!, So he's lookin' at the door he's freakin' out man, he thinks he's gonna fuckin' die, and what do we hear? We hear the fuckin' COPS bro! It's been 60 seconds!

And the cops are already on their way, and Number 1, The Kings, he knows this shit doesn't make any fuckin' sense man, he knows it doesn't make any sense man!

So y'know what they do they grab as much fuckin' money as they can

They throw on these black duffel bags, they jump in that motherfuckin' van

And they haul OFF man! They got Uzi's, they got MP5's, they got fuckin' all the works and they're blowin' cops to BITS man! There's fuckin' bodies EVERYWHEEEEEEEEERE! They're roomin' they're zoomin' they're fuckin' makin' it back to this warehouse and they DO!

And it's CRAZY man! and The King, Number 1, he's like "Yo this is bullshit, one of you isn't who you says you fuckin' is bro!", and he takes his gun out, and he points it at Clementine's fuckin' head and Clementine's just thinkin' about the movies he loves man

He's thinkin' about the movies man, he's thinkin' about his LADY man! He's thinkin' about his FUCKIN' dreams! and then Number One, The King

He pulls the trigger and blows the fuckin' brains out of the guy standin' RIGHT next to Clementine dude, 'cause it turns out he's a cop, and the reason that Number One, The King KNEW he was a cop was cause he was the only motherfucker on radios man

That's why they call him "Radio", a little cliche maybe I'll change that in the next draft, but either way man, he's sittin' there dead, because there's no fuckin' way that the cops should've been showin' up before 90 seconds was over

So he divvies the money, everyone gets a piece, they can't fuckin' believe it, it's amazing, Clementine takes his shit and leaves. Now the reason all this worked out is because, none of these guys ever knew who the other person was because they were all hired by one man, one main fuckin' man, who hired each and every single individual who was a professional in their own right

So nobody knew who was who, but we just know that Number One, the King, knew that Radio was a fuckin' rat, he was a pig, so Clementine, he goes home, he empties this fuckin', this bag full of millions and millions of dollars, all over his Smith Corona typewriter, and he can't believe it he's just lookin' at it, FREAKIN' OUT man!

And just as he's about to pass out he realizes, he's gotta write a whole fuckin' scene! I mean that's the whole reason Penelope was Clyde and he was Bonnie. She doesn't know that he was actually out there fuckin' committing a crime, robbing a bank, to fund this fuckin', HEIST movie!

So he does it, and he ends up telling her that he actually found foreign investment

Couple months pass by, they're there man, pre-production, this fuckin' movies gettin' made bro, they're on scene, they're doin' rehearsal, our writer and director, Numero fuckin' Uno, he yells "CUT!" and everyone claps man

Everyone claps, and they clap, and they clap, but there's one lone man clapping, and who is it? The fuckin' King, number one, and he says "So this is what you've been doing with all my money!"

Penelope's confused man, Clementine's freakin' out man, so he takes him into a production trailer, and he's like "YO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN' HERE BRO!", he goes "What do you think I'm doin' here?", and he goes "I don't know man you gotta leave me alone what the hell's goin' on?"

He goes "I need you for another heist." and he goes "What do you mean you NEED me for another heist, I mean, Who- wasn't there some guy who hired everyone?" and he goes "You fuckin' idiot I AM the guy! But you just checked out. No breeze, nothin'. I found out what you were doin', and I'm onto somethin' bigger, and I need your fuckin' help."

And he says "No way man, I'm out, I'm out." and King says "Well I'll fuckin' murder you then, I'll kill you, I will end your life if you don't help me with this." and he says "I don't give a shit." and he goes "After I kill YOU, I'm gonna kill YOUR OLD LADY MAN!" and right then Penelope walks in and she says "Who the fuck is this!" and Clementine, our smooth young man he says. "Oh this is uh- this is the investor I told you about, and she says "I thought you said he was foreign?" and Clementine goes "Uhhh yeah he's Canadian!"

She gives him some kind of like fuckin' cross-eye, and he's like "Listen sweetheart I just gotta finish this up, I'll meet you out there in a second."

She says "alright."

So The King hands him an envelope, it says "You gotta help me do this heist, if you don't fuckin' do this you're dead, you're all dead, everyone's dead."

So now he's fuckin' freakin' out, he goes to dinner that night with Penelope, he orders the shrimp, she orders some steak, they have a little bit of lobster, but he's not eatin', he's fuckin' weird, and she KNOWS that he's weird, man

Why? How? 'CAUSE THEY'RE FUCKIN' IN LOVE! It's a women's INTUITION, baby! So she's like "What the fuck is goin' on?" and he's like, he just breaks down man he tells her EVERYTHING! He tells her everything that happened, and she's, she can't fuckin' BELIEVE it dawg, she's DISTRAUGHT bro, she's in the middle of this fuckin' restaurant like "YOU SON OF A BIIIIITCH, YOU- ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU FUCKIN' SERIOUS RIGHT NOW, ALL THIS SHIT YOU'RE TELLIN' ME AND YOU DIDN'T CUT ME IN ON IT?!"

And at this moment he's so in love, "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" she says, "I'M DOWN TO ROB BANKS! IT'S 1995, A woman can do whatever she WANTS to do" so he's freakin' out cause he doesn't know how to, how to do this job that The King wants him to do, so she looks at the envelope, and she maps it all out, man! She maps it allllllll out, and the next day, they both meet The King, at the diner that they loooooooove to visit so frequently. He says "What the fuck is she doin' here?"

Clementine syas "look man, she can make this happen." He goes "No she can't!" and then she proves him wrong, so now Penelope's in, The King's in, Clementine's in, and the take is over 20 million dollars, and guess who the target is? Ha. Well if it isn't Mr. Fuckin' David Winestein Cunt Bitch Fuckin' Asshole!

So they figure out a way to get in because Penelope know s the in's and out's of this man's life. Plus he tried to fuck her once! So she's got a real vendetta against him. Now long story short man they plan everything out right, and the way that they get into this guy's house to steal a reel of film that is worth millions and millions of dollars, is they set up a heist scene to be filmed on his street

Now, Penelope looks to Clementine and she says, "Y'know once he gets what he wants he's gonna kill us both right." Clem says "Yeaaaaaah, yeah baby I know." She says "That means we gotta kill him first, after the take."

So they set shit up man, and they go in this fucker's house dude, long story short, Danny Winestein gets his balls blown off by a fuckin' Benelli 12 Gauge Shotgun, cop sirens are everywhere, they're fuckin' runnin', they're runnin' after The King cause he's tryna take it, he almost shoots fuckin' Clem but he clips Penelope in her shoulder man, she's fuckin' BLEEEEEEDING man, and she says "GO GET HIM, GO GET THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" and she kisses him, she kisses this mothafUCKER!

It's like SPIDER-MAN DUDE! When he's upside-down and he's kissin' fuckin' Mary Jane man

He's runnin' after The King, they're shootin', they're bustin' in this fuckin' complex, but he can't find King, and he runs outside, with a fucking automatic rifle, and right infront of him are two cops, and they stare at him, and Clementine doesn't know what to do he's sittin' there with a fucking automatic rifle brother

And the cops look at him, both hands on their fuckin' guns, pigs, and they say "Hey dude the production trailer's over there." and Clementine fuckin' forgot the whole time he's on a movie set ANYWAY! So he goes to hunt King down AAAAAAAAAND-

[Outro: Peanuts, Unknown]

Well, what happens?

Well that's, well I haven't figured, I don't- I haven't figured the end- I still gotta write th- I gotta write the rest of it