I struggle to explain this to myself

I'm like layers turning transparent

And then I can peek through

If I open too much, I melt down

If I relax too much, I fall asleep

I have to be safe enough to even try

But life isn't safe

My country is at war

Economies constantly fall

Empires rise again

And I'm just trying to find myself

But it's so loud around

I want to tell my love my progress

But how can I explain this

Languages don't hold these concepts

I'm a paradigm database

I am the connection between the ideas

I am the cohesion missing in this reality

But I can't be, if I'm not safe

My country is at war

Economies constantly fall

Empires rise again

And I'm just trying to find myself

But it's so loud around

How can I live in this complex translation layer

Where what I say isn't real, isn't true

But I try to express my truth

And I'm left with paradigms

No words!

My country is at war

Economies constantly fall

Empires rise again

And I'm just trying to find myself

But it's so loud around

Maybe it's not the time to unmask

But I could say that every year

There's always a tragedy happening

And I can't keep overflowing

Not processing, not expressing

But words fail me

It isn't the same reality

Words cannot contain paradigms

Sentences can't form understanding

And I can't take a side

I'm unwillingly above this

I didn't choose to be this way

But words don't conform to my reality

And yet, it's my only language

My mind is at war

I constantly fall

Bad memories rise again

And I'm just trying to fend for myself

But it's so loud around

I can't focus on me